Corporate Conscience

The collective inner conscience of America's corporate executives. Only respectful when it affects my portfolio.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

"Why would anyone ever dump money into load funds?"
"Because people are insanely stupid."
"And thank god for that."

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

If only Donald Sterling wasn't such a bigoted, racist, fossilized, decrepit and useless piece of shit. Did I miss something? Fill in for me.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

Had #Clippers floor seats and turned them down because my inner Knick said no. This isn't the first time being a Knicks fan fucked me.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

@RedScareBot Only the right hand.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

I'm Marxist? No way! #SaySomethingLiberalIn4Words

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

No work, still paid #SaySomethingLiberalIn4Words

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

My cash's your cash #SaySomethingLiberalIn4Words

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

Surround yourself with intelligent people and give yourself a month to see if you belong or not.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

I recently asked corporate security to escort a man wearing a wrinkled blazer out of the building. Have some respect.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

English majors write useless thoughts in the most majestic way possible.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

Might want to hand the money over if you can't answer this RT @MONEY: Better to invest in the market or stick that cash under your mattress?

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

Poor America celebrates tax returns because they're too dumb to know they just gave the government a loan, free of interest. Dumbasses.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

We have a long list of companies to buy if marijuana is ever legalized. The list of shorts is longer.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

Barney Stinson wouldn't last a minute on Wall Street. My CFO would throw you down a stairwell if you raised five fingers in his direction.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

My eyes suddenly rolled in an upward direction RT @politico: .@HillaryClinton publisher announces book title: 'Hard Choices'

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

My morning? Cocaine, head, pancakes, cocaine, twenty-minute cab ride to company headquarters. The girl gets $100 to get out of my apartment.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

#Nyquil trends at 6 a.m. because a salary at McDonald's can't buy you the shit that will actually put your ass to bed.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

We all hate HR motherfuckers until they save the ass of the entire corporation. Still, it isn't long until they're motherfuckers once again.

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

@penny_pirate So, penny stocks. Is this a Wolf of Wall Street thing?

[Corporate Conscience @CorpConscience]

He buys a drink. She smiles.
I show my Ferrari. She drips.