someday I will be the boss of something and THEN I will FINALLY be able to hire an intern whose only job is to interrupt me during important meetings and bring me a single envelope and inside that envelope is a strawberry poptart
Hi! If you screenshot my tweets and send them to people I have cut out of my life, or if you are someone I’ve blocked who is still finding ways to look at my content, please stop. I’m not really here to provide entertainment for my exes, or content for their Instagram stories.
And if you see some shit talking or subtweeting going on, don’t bother telling me. I know it happens. I know I dated someone who still tries to hurt and humiliate me. But I have purposely cut that shit out of my life. I’m not here to argue about it or hurt him back. It’s over.
been subtly monitoring my ex’s dating life, waiting to randomly venmo his new girlfriend when he dumps her and apparently that just happened, today is my day
i think I stopped trusting people in 2015 when all of my roommates were figuring out each other’s patronuses and after I crafted beautiful explanations for all of theirs it became my turn and one of them just said “what’s that loud bird with the huge beak? a tucan?”
one of my childhood friends just eloped with her dream man and here I am trying to push myself to take a short walk outside so my dumb brain can function better, I love my stupid little life
starting to think I’d feel a lot less emotionally exhausted if i just acted like a GBBO judge and just said “dont fuck it up” every time my friends needed advice