meatwood flac

in a national ass-kicking contest with no legs and a massive ass

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

someday I will be the boss of something and THEN I will FINALLY be able to hire an intern whose only job is to interrupt me during important meetings and bring me a single envelope and inside that envelope is a strawberry poptart

[val • @karmaszone]

“esoteric”
“ugh she’s so hot when she says big words”

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

hi i haven't twoten in three years. is anyone listening. if so, wtf is "grok"

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

And honey, it’s been over. For 9 months. Please move on.

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

Hi! If you screenshot my tweets and send them to people I have cut out of my life, or if you are someone I’ve blocked who is still finding ways to look at my content, please stop. I’m not really here to provide entertainment for my exes, or content for their Instagram stories.

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

And if you see some shit talking or subtweeting going on, don’t bother telling me. I know it happens. I know I dated someone who still tries to hurt and humiliate me. But I have purposely cut that shit out of my life. I’m not here to argue about it or hurt him back. It’s over.

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

been subtly monitoring my ex’s dating life, waiting to randomly venmo his new girlfriend when he dumps her and apparently that just happened, today is my day

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

yall ever get on a zoom meeting and can’t get a full yawn out because of the stage fright

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

i think I stopped trusting people in 2015 when all of my roommates were figuring out each other’s patronuses and after I crafted beautiful explanations for all of theirs it became my turn and one of them just said “what’s that loud bird with the huge beak? a tucan?”

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

logging in to say you CAN put eyeliner on your nose to make your nostrils look bigger but you REALLY REALLY SHOULDN’T

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

@boreonthefloor Thank you. It really was. :’/

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

just had a student say “fuck you, your no use bitch” please help me recover from this devastating burn

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

me, in tears at the library circulation desk: no, I’m sorry, you don’t understand—this is my EMOTIONAL SUPPORT stack of books that I don’t touch—

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

@aliahdomino Every day I think about the shit I’d deal with as a teacher and I....shudder. I’m not strong enough

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

finally asked my roommate to move her bike out of the kitchen. picture me shakily drinking a glass of water

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

one of my childhood friends just eloped with her dream man and here I am trying to push myself to take a short walk outside so my dumb brain can function better, I love my stupid little life

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

@Allysonthepoet “Any advice” “Every element needs to be perfect” OK HOW IS THAT HELPFUL

[meatwood flac @corythewitch]

starting to think I’d feel a lot less emotionally exhausted if i just acted like a GBBO judge and just said “dont fuck it up” every time my friends needed advice

[Claire @bighaterfrances]

If there was a gun to my head and the only way to prevent death was spelling “Cincinnati” I would absolutely die