Craig Heap

Tweets only when drunk. Tweets may not be used by journalists by instruction of court order.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

My wife has promised to have the Death Star fully operational in time for the Emperor's arrival.

[Weather Factory @weatherfactory]

FOLLOW & RETWEET to win

🦅 A SKELETAL RAVEN PAL
🌙 astrology Kindle/eReader case
🎴 eldritch tarot deck
📙 grimoire USB
💀 Cultist Simulator Perpetual Edition

for #lovecraftday, Lovecraft’s 130th birthday! winners revealed on 20th aug. FAQ: https://t.co/CHXjrZGVTC

GOOD LUCK!

[RS Archer @archer_rs]

Just had conversation with a British couple who have a holiday home near us. They voted for Brexit and have made no arrangements whatsoever for what happens on Jan 1. They have now discovered the reality of their situation.

The blame apparently is with "Brussels".

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@leanne_maz @thewennandonly That's pretty good. We've broken containment twice in the last two months for Food From The Outside, so we're happy. Well, at least until symptoms develop next week...

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@generallucifer He was always a handsome man, but now he's stepped into the silver fox arena and absolutely slain the opposition.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@thewennandonly @leanne_maz

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@thewennandonly @leanne_maz Am I joke to you? I dodge feral youths, Covid-riddled zombies, and angry church ministers to bring home chips, and this is entertainment?

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@thewennandonly Ok. Texting you heinous crimes against church and state now.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@thewennandonly No. I'm already in trouble with the church after the last time I acquired flowers for you. I mean, how was I to know that was a memorial?

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@thewennandonly Got them. Owt else?

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@heavybrew @CAMRA_Official All the pubs and pubcos will belong to the state by the time we reach the endgame.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

Clever move by @CAMRA_Official here. All of the vouchers are valid until May 2021, as opposed to their usual quarterly approach. Hopefully pubs are open again by 2021...

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@generallucifer I hear that. Went shopping on Wednesday. Thought "that'll do for the Bank Holiday". I'm already on the cusp of flouncing around the house like Withnail complaining that we're out of booze.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

Classic Bank Holiday weekend. I've already got sunburn.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@RuariOToole "Sir, you're late for your meeting with the Tunnocks Trade Delegation."

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@RuariOToole Bonus points for sinister shadowy figure in the top right. Points lost for not having a Brotherhood of NOD flag.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@RuariOToole I'd sub the onion for pickled onion, otherwise that's a top sarnie.

[Craig Heap @CraigHeap]

@generallucifer Keep watching the skies, Sky Colonel!