Ross Crawford

Nobody finds me as funny as I find myself.

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

@THELeeMcCann @cmccormack91 I watched some of that BBC doc on #ICW and now I can't get "Like a prayer" out of my head! #Grado #itsyersel

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

You know you need to start watching your language when you type "duck" into your phone and it (correctly) assumes you meant "dick".

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

One of the cool things about my new work is we have clients from all across Europe coming for medicals.

Somehow I got the boy from Kelty.

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

My username for my new work is "Crawforo".

I sound like a fucking magician.

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

Lying in bed having a nose at Twitter, had a stretch, and promptly dropped my phone onto my face. Looks like it's one of those days

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

We've got some Italians at new year this year. This first word other than "hello" to translate across? Jura.

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

Pub at home with all the boys. Now I remember why I love Christmas

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

@paulcoghill complained about how a joint Christmas card made us seem like a couple, then went out and bought me this

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

@Heather_0x I was just thinking that about you and @Sazbeee the other day. Wondering why you reply when everyone else goes "Ross. Shut up"

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

@hannahsmith_22 how about you have to guess the colour of the next firework and if you get it wrong, you do a shots worth?

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

Grandma gt a new phone for her 80th bday an asked me how to use it.
Grandma: Should I press this button?
Me: No.
Grandma: I pressed it.
FFS.

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

In other news, the Top Gear special is going well. After three days, we are only nine days behind schedule.

[Dunfermline Athletic @officialdafc]

Pars United Completes Acquisitions: For more information see http://t.co/Cfci0KEgZV. #COYP

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

I am the Phil "the power" Taylor of Wotsit Face.

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

@MillSteven #psychicmill

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

@MillSteven Aww man! I never thought! Have I just missed out on bargain the of the century?

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

There's a jaguar parked outside Poundland. Can't imagine you see that very often.

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

I'm 23 years old and I've just finished kicking aff about being kicked out of a game of "pass the parcel"

[Ross Crawford @crawfosaurusrex]

Clearing out the tote bins in my room and I find one I haven't touched in nearly a year. Now I remember why.