Crazy Rambling Jay

I made this to cope with my trauma. Both past and present. Perhaps it's insightful, perhaps plain stupid.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

My days are filled with visions of your face.
I seek out the dark for the sweet escape of sleep.
It is a venture short lived.
For even in my dreams, you haunt my heart.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

I'm so lost without you.
I'll survive, but I don't want to.
Dig a hole down in the dirt.
Have the preacher say some words.
Let the angles take my demons when I die.

- Aaron Lewis

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#heartbroken
When asked if I still remember the one who got away... I know her name. I think about her everyday. #Halsey

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#Trauma
She is on my mind every single day.
I destroyed her. I destroyed myself.
I was too late to prove I had changed.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#Trauma
I act like I'm ok. That I've moved on.
But I wake up every morning thinking of her.
And go to sleep wondering if she's thinking of me.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#Trauma
How can I blame you?
When it's me I can't forgive?

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#Trauma
It's all because of me.
That you haunt me in my dreams.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#trauma
I have lofty goals. I sabotage myself to keep from achieving those goals. I am a scared little boy trapped in this big man's body.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#trauma
My life and loss is my own fault. No one else's. No one can fix me but me.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#ToxicMasculinity
I pull out chairs and hold doors because it's polite. Reading more into it is on you. There isn't more.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#trauma #ToxicMasculinity
Being a man is not toxic.
Being a bully while pretending to be a man IS toxic.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#trauma
I mourn the loss of my soulmate every day. She knows I still love her.
I try very hard to move on. It's a mountain I can't climb.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

I have a good life.
But I miss a life I never had.
Yearn for a life that doesn't exist.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#heartbroken
15 years ago I lost my soulmate.
She left me for her own mental health.
It was the boost I needed to change.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

I work 80-90 hours a week.
I have 2 kids and a loving wife.
I'm...terrified...of all of them.

[Crazy Rambling Jay @crazyramblin]

#trauma
Put one my horses down today.
Calm. Collected. Like it knew.
I puked afterwards. Very manly.