bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️

20, shedtwt (ana/ednos), bpd & my intellectual stream of consciousness: vent diary

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

Born to eat clean and be athletic forced to binge/restrict cycle

[ari ۶ৎ @ricecakearii]

averagespo is so triggering to me because that’s how i look and i know it

[Soup Slurper @ethaaan22]

this is what i think i look like when i try to dress feminine

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

I feel refreshed and prettier once I rebleach my hair and eyebrows, and trim my micro bangs. It’s my signature look I love ittt, but I get lazy and don’t maintain it as much as I should

[dani @kawaiicels]

this is how i feel when i try to look cute

[salma @salmarexia]

how i feel when i try to wear literally anything revealing

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

Class starts again next week. I have to deal with the retarded people in my major. The psycho black pill guy who is weird to me, the unoriginal people who are below in my skill set. God help me. Going to just do my own thing again

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

Although it’s harder to lose weight in my stomach now, at least I lost the face weight and have slight ana face back. I look so much better in the face yay

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

I’m stupid and not losing cuz I keep snacking so I’m not overwhelmingly starving, I need to lock in and restrict to a set cal limit again. I’m annoyed at myself but this is way better than a binge cycle so it’s fine

[yu @es0uii]

not having someone to talk to is driving me insane

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

Scale is not going up, but I’ve been so bloated I look 10 lbs heavier. Is it probably the chronic everyday lax use, yes but I can’t stopppp. I look disgusting ughhh

[;; reoni꙼ᩚ (｡- ‸ - ｡) @sentiscara]

shedtwt vs "i can stop whenever i want to"

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

I feel horrible and sad everyday of my life but I’ve been trying to do things even while sad instead of lying in my bed. No it doesn’t help just trying to pretend I am accomplishing something

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

It seems like everyone is okay with walking around with the evidence of their illness but not me. I have quiet bpd so it makes sense I hide everything, but I don’t have friends so no one cares about me. Nobody has ever seen how bad my head gets, and I won’t allow it either

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

I don’t understand how people irl and online are so comfortable with their mental illness and their lives that revolve around it. I am a private person and never share personal things to other people. I feel embarrassed when my scars are visible even though they aren’t that bad

[lex! @thelexxappeal]

this is exactly the type of skinny i wanna be like just effortlessly thin

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

@delicatelyness YES same exact thing happened to me. I like her music, but it’s hard to ignore the detrimental effects she had on me

[⊹ nessa ⋆𖤓𐙚 @delicatelyness]

nessa barrett caused my eating disorder. while she also saved my life, she is the reason that i am sick. back in 2023 was when it started. she was body checking all the time and i (a young, impressionable teenager) wanted to look like her. she never spoke about the negatives (1)

[02 @d00mritual]

from a young age i knew i was weird and unfixable

[bea🔪🪚⛏️✂️ @crispixaddict]

I love fashion, I love art, I love being creative but I feel I will not be famous from these cuz I’m not pretty. Why does everyone in these fields look like a model?

[🪽🫧 @fendanyll]

people who invented 0 sugar 0 cal drinks