Chris Ptweets

Amazing! This man has used the same recipe for tweets for 30 years. He/Him, Freelance Production IC class of ‘17

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Seems like enough time has passed that we can consider the Pepsi Corporation’s official response to the Coke Freestyle machine is “you don’t need to be doing all that”

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Really hard to put sunblock on your feet in a public place and not look like a pervert

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

The New England Patriots are going to do this on national television today

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

I’ve moved since this tweet and the gas station down my new street also exploded and I also missed it.

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Gonna make an effort to be more present after I missed the gas station down the street exploding

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Been talking to the pilot through the door, he says I can fly the plane if I let everyone go!

[Rusty 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @ImSmilingRn]

my dog found a grinch bone in the woods and i didnt call the police

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@msanchez_tv Go bombers frankly

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@thatrigatoni I have this on a shirt and I’m mostly too scared to wear it in public

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

*Halloweentown Realtor Doing a Disclaimer Mid-Pitch to a Young Family Voice* The neighborhood is so charming, pumpkins DO scream in the dead of night. You will hear that.

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@AndrewReiter Clearly unacceptable but it looks kinda good

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Have only seen the trailer for Weapons but my understanding is all those kids are from the Sound Village

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Brunch, brunch never changes

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Fell to my knees at this stray

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@electrolemon Ah fuck I’m activated

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@GrooGrocksKing Raphael wouldn’t flinch at the moment

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Was showing my grandma pictures from my engagement and she scrolled to this on accident

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@RyanCiecwisz I’m a lawyer and this is dead on

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

Captain just came on the intercom to clarify “there is nothing wrong” preflight so look for us on the news.

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

My father was the first person to fall 1500 feet to his death in a Skyzone

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@wani45 @riotgames Cause you didn’t call me tbh

[Chris Ptweets @CrispyTacks]

@HankYetiTea I need a little grace from you big dog I’m cooked