Christen Gmitter

The way I look at it, the world couldn't survive w/o my comedy. Who's gonna have the moral backbone to play The Seekers when the mood is right?

[FOX Sports: MLB @MLBONFOX]

Absolute chills.

#MLBatFieldofDreams

[Christen Gmitter @cristoff]

Ha joke’s on you, douchecanoe who stole my identity — *I* don’t even know who I am! 🤯

[Christen Gmitter @cristoff]

“If it doesn’t matter in 5 years, it doesn’t matter!” ~ @Cher’s mum

[TIME @TIME]

This is the one city Anthony Bourdain says he could live in forever https://t.co/yzWRO84aif

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

Sure you used to party.

Welcome to midlife.
Now you get excited when ibuprofen is on sale.

[BBC News (UK) @BBCNews]

Father Ted to return as musical, co-creator says https://t.co/ketAM1gD4Z

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed hikin​g the Appalachian Trail these past 22 days with Melania Trump.

[Christen Gmitter @cristoff]

Doesn’t every functioning adult lie awake at night dreaming of an in-person Jeff Goldblum narration of #TheNightBeforeChristmas? 🎄#askingforafriend

[Louis Virtel @louisvirtel]

Ivanka Trump is an empty Banana Republic gift card with security clearance.

[British Vogue @BritishVogue]

“When you tell the story of someone that lived, you tell the story of the people that lived next to him, it's their story as much as the person’s" - the @McQueen documentary makers on unravelling the story of Lee Alexander McQueen: https://t.co/boVipqlD2q

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

I just took a Claritin and now I'm homophobic

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

I want to shut this disgusting rumor down before I start it. Yes, there’s a scene in #deadpool2 in which I have adorable little baby legs. In order to achieve this illusion I did NOT sit on an actual baby... For more than a minute. An hour, tops.

[Danni Baird @danni_baird]

No one in the history of being invited to something ever got invited to something by demanding the right to be invited to something🙄

[Christen Gmitter @cristoff]

@DorindaMedley je suis OBSESSED with your hunter green holiday studs at @Bethenny’s Yuletide bash! They were the PERFECT trimming atop your glam turtleneck tree. 🎄✨🎄 #hohoho #RHONY

[Christen Gmitter @cristoff]

Is the opposite of assless chaps assMORE chaps? #askingforafriend

[Christen Gmitter @cristoff]

@CountessLuann looks better than EVER! “Tom” who? 💃🏼 #RHONY #WWHL

[Christen Gmitter @cristoff]

Sparring with @ramonasinger & Pinot Grigio is like being stuck on the Small World ride without Pinot Grigio; mind-numbingly tedious & ultimately pointless. #RHONY #RamonaCoaster #fillerup