Critter

A blog about love and modern life.

[Critter @crittertwice]

Look! We made a thing: https://t.co/EtfCFt4kGP

[Critter @crittertwice]

Baewatch

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Oh. Hey, Felicia.

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Let's make pizza happen tonight.

[Critter @crittertwice]

How does one break into the cash 4 gold industry?

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Swivel chairs make you swivel like a motherfucker.

[Critter @crittertwice]

Every time an old person sharts his pants, an angel gets his wings... <3 <3

[Critter @crittertwice]

When parallel parking, it's important to remember that everyone on the sidewalk is judging you.

[Critter @crittertwice]

On a scale from 1 to 10, I think the difficulty of typing with horse hooves for hands would be pretty close to a 10.

[Critter @crittertwice]

If not for the social media buttons on porn sites, how else would I share with friends and family my weird porn watching habits?

[Critter @crittertwice]

Live. Laugh. Love. Vienna Sausages.

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Next time I’m sitting around with the boys drinking a cold one, I’m going to ask for something warmer, because I have sensitive teeth.

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Someone should really knit dryer lint into a sweater.

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Unfortunately. #sundayvibes #cats #weekend #weekendisover

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#dating #singleproblems

[Critter @crittertwice]

New Story: Turns Out, The Client Isn’t Very Ticklish. http://t.co/kHsAwSB95x