FUP

donut

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

la bamba being played at full blast kills your family

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

as an act of patriotism iam goijg to go missing

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

@southernlore @orikron no it was an accident. he didn’t mean to do that

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

Paula Abdul after getting her gunch ate

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

@wifeaholic @pheebiess come on man

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

@DeitzSimon real

[🝆 @policefala]

just had 1 beer. everyone has a crush on me. im gonna create a new type of number.

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

never forget

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

smoking the weed that makes you nefarious

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

20 year anniversary

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

19 years ago today...

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

on the contrary, mister bond, your gay.

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

*british dude trying to hit on a normal girl* perchance a bloke might see your curly-wotsits? any rabbage i might bindy? canny a wanks, mistress?

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

paying a pit bull to cause a scene at the bodega so i can use the bathroom even though vikram said no

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

me talking to the shadow demons about my skin: i don’t want any of this shit here when i wake up okay? you hear me?

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

oh goddd i’m so tired 👁👁 ughhhhh *removes my skin and tans it into leather* i need to sleep 👁 rnnnnn *carefully removes my organs and sets them aside* hhhhhhh 👁👁fuckkk *starts polishing my bones*

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

I’ve gambled away my penis

[FUP @crumbsalesman]

*person i just met shows me a picture of their baby*
me, wearing sunglasses and not looking: yeah, i fucked her