Crystal Brooks

When I die, scatter my ashes on the side of Route 42

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Do better, @cvspharmacy ! Leaving your pharmacy this short handed doesn’t just lead to inconveniences for your customers, it leads to dangerous mistakes with medications.

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

@McDonalds I love you Grimace

[Natalie @jbfan911]

I wore a red polo to target and they took me to the back and let me comb the creature that lays the target balls

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Enjoying the improved air quality by sitting outside and chain smoking Marlboro Lights

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Rabbit rabbit

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Dolly Fartin’

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

I really want a Ninja Creampie

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

These are my daughters: Jenna and Talia

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Sometimes I randomly think about that guy that shoved like 17 beans up his pee hole. Like, what’s he been up to.

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

You know Mister Softee is a man bc he never comes around when you need him

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Did it hail last night or did someone dump a whole bunch of @sonicdrivein ice on my roof and deck around like 11:30pm?

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

I don’t know what any of this shit is and I’m fuckin scared #itysl

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

I farted and it sounded like a tugboat

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

🖕 👱‍♂️
🐛💤👔🐛
⛽️ 👢
⚡️ 8=👊=D💦
🎸 🌂
👢 👢

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

@pam_mermaid This is why I love our memelationship. When I’m on ig I do want to engage one more sense.

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Bambi really had kids watching cartoon animals getting ready to bone because it’s springtime and called it being “twitterpated.” #Disney

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Who do you think is the hottest muppet? I’m gonna go with Sam the eagle.

[Crystal Brooks @crystalnj]

Happy Spanksgiving or whatever