Cryztorch Inc.

It's our turn to bear the crystal™
He/They

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

I don't know why you all are surprised that Cryztorch Inc. is an inclusive organization?

We're evil, but not that kind of evil.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Look, keep this on the downlow, but I've got an extra valentine and I don't really have anyone to give it to now so...here.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Loser.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

In grade schools, you're required to give every kid in the class a valentine so they don't feel left out.
We here at Cryztorch want to make you feel left out, so we just didn't give out valentines at all.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Unfortunately, this has resulted in everyone feeling left out together, which technically counts as community and is strictly against our code of conduct.
Therefor, we are pleased to announce this year that all employees at Cryztorch will be receiving a valentine.
Except you.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

I really thought I'd be doing more with my life at this point #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

People always seem surprised that Cryztorch Inc hosts an "annual" non-denominational holiday mix-n-mingle.
Have you been to a corporate holiday party? They're torture, of course we have them!

[obvious plant @obviousplant_]

Bro Hole

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

@Jay021jay It's okay, he had it coming.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

I've been asking Lower Management about getting a designated work phone so I can truly be my worst self by always having access to Twitter.
Turns out today is my lucky day, because an old Zortchberry became available (RIP Gerard)!
Did I miss anything?

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Even you dopes get it right sometimes.

[Gwen Schmidt @Aquashark]

@cryztorch here in the snowy parts of red bridge, it’s illness season — just in case it’s the same way over on yellow, don’t forget to FEED THE HOLE:

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

@CorpThirteen Your mom.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

...Please don't tell my boss though.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Just because you're on a work trip doesn't mean you can't stop and see the sites.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

@CorpThirteen @Local3News @The_VBSociety Wow, they'll just let anyone on television now.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

@paaddingtonnn Really gotta rub the salt in the wound, don't ya?

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

So what if they're "bordering on bankruptcy" and "spending all our savings on puppet upgrades," Isn't having a passion a career in and of itself?

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

You know what's really evil? Breaking up with someone because they were trying to follow their dreams.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Please don't tell Scott.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Just to set the record straight, that last tweet meant nothing, don't read into it. I just had one too many zorchtinis at The Hole's birthday party, it happens to us all.

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

OKAY CAN EVERYONE BE COOL AND JUST PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

Scott I miss you come back

[Cryztorch Inc. @cryztorch]

DELETETWEETDELETETWEETDELETETWEET