The next session was on paediatric rashes in the form of a kahoot quiz. I was near last at first, but then a bunch of staph questions came up... And my middlemore experience meant i knew all the answers! I jumped up to second place - just an oddly funny moment for me
with so much sass that i couldn't focus for the rest of the shift. It made me realise how I am so prone to thinking of the negatives first, when in reality there have been so many moments that had such a positive impact on me too. Just something I need to work on for the future
Today I attended my first "Schwartz Round", where the theme was around little gestures, big impact. A lot of senior doctors sharing powerful moments, in tears. It was beautiful. One thing I realised during the round was around my attitudes and way of thinking: when I tried to
think about what little things made a big impact on me, all I could immediately think of were negative things. The time I came across the two registrars talking ill of me when i was an intern. The patient who threatened to find where i lived. The specialty reg that took my call
upsetting to hear but it was a good culture-shock intro to big hospital politics. I'm still glad I tried coming here, just a reminder that I still have so much to learn, both in and outside of clinical practice. I hope my emotions won't turn this into a negative experience.
A few weeks back, I had a sentimental conversation with another reg who came to this big hospital from a 'smaller' hospital and how we felt like a 'nobody'. Today at my supervisor meeting, I was essentially told that I didn't make myself enough of a somebody. It was quite
upsetting to hear but a nice culture-shock experience to big hospital politics. I'm still glad I tried coming here, just a reminder that I still have so much to learn, both in and outside of clinical practice. I hope my emotions won't turn this into a negative experience.
I think I've become more resilient. Several occasions here of getting told off, sometimes in a berating way, and I can acknowledge my mistake but also not feel anything. I'm able to go home and relax, and not be fixated on it the rest of the day. I hope it stays like this.
Did a teaching session for the interns today about common ED scenarios. I think I said the word "PE" around 200 times so I think I did my job. Also, I was super nervous and I dunno if they learned anything but at least they laughed at (most of) my jokes. I am glad.
No matter where I work, the common theme in my supervisor meetings is that I don't need to try change who I am as a person to become a better doctor. I need to stop seeing my strengths as weaknesses
Recently I did an E-FAST for a peri-arrest trauma patient and saw a trace of RUQ fluid, but everyone (incl. me) were a bit sceptical so didn't act on it. Today I found out he had a large liver lac. And patient is doing better overall! Vindication!
ICU was a home-wrecker; it made me completely reassess myself and what kind of person I want to be. I value so much the last 6 months and all the people I met. I'm still processing everything, but I know I want to give this another good go. I hope this is just the beginning.
For the first day of 2024, I got my first ever champagne tap on an LP, thanks to the excellent teaching + guidance from @tclearwater_nz. Thank you Theo!
Grateful to have spent the last few months with the best colleagues. Gonna have a lot of trouble moving on in a few weeks...