LizBee

(she/her) Average suburban EveryMom, sports nut, political junkie, tollway sign philosopher. #BuckleUpItsLikeASafetyHug

[LizBee @csilgal]

Is "Mutilization" a new word? Our Supreme leader just said it about 10 times. I think he meant mutilation.

[Matthew Modine @MatthewModine]

Repost + be following by Monday, September 14 for a chance to win this signed copy of VISION QUEST on VHS! I'll pick one winner at random and announce next #ModineMonday! Good luck!

And if you'd like to support the @FMJDiary project and exhibition, you can bid on my last SEALED copy of VISION QUEST on VHS below. I signed it with "Louden Swain!"

https://t.co/dXgQTl6dyo

[LizBee @csilgal]

@drinkgaragebeer Entered!

[Brad @BraddrofliT]

People with 6 teeth defending people with 8 yachts is one of the greatest political achievements in modern history.

[LizBee @csilgal]

Garage Beer Lime + Summer BBQ = Perfect Night @drinkgaragebeer

[Jim Stewartson, Decelerationist 🇨🇦🇺🇦🇺🇸 @jimstewartson]

Everyone should read this because it is a microcosm of why everything has gone to shit. This is how his malignant narcissism destroys everything he touches.

“We built an aircraft carrier for $19 billion, which is crazy. The price is crazy. It started off at-- I came in one of the first things I want to see. It was the Ford aircraft carrier. It was way over budget. And it had things on it that you didn't need.

Like it had magnet. It magnets to lift up the elevators with 10 and 12 planes on them. Think of it. It had all sorts of modern day things that were all instead of using steam for the catapult. They used electric. Let's have an electric catapult.

And so what I went to the ship, because I came into office and the ship was way over budget. Built a new produce, unfortunately. It was way over budget. It was going to cost $3 billion. It was up to like $18, $19. It was terrible. And I said, I want to meet the catapulter.

And the man came over along with four of his assistants. And I said, what's better? Electric catapult or steam? He's been there for 25 years. He said, steam is better. We can fix it with a hammer and a blowtorch. When the electric goes bad, I have to send the MIT to get geniuses over here.

I said, steam is better. Yes, sir. It's better. So why did they do electric? Because you can have the catapult go like this. But you can't put planes on it, sir. It takes you 39 seconds. By the time the 39 seconds is up, you have a full-head of steam. And I love breathing that steam, sir. That's that cleanest air you've ever seen.

But I said, so you're saying we spent billions of dollars extra to build electric catapults instead of using. And I said, well, I'll still hear you. He said, the elevators are no good, sir. They lifted up by magnets. So here's my deal. I said, when Caterpillar tractor-- and I watched more tractors than any human being in a rip-erock or right through a rock-- it's all hydraulic.

So I said, when Caterpillar goes into the business of using magnets to lift up their little blades, when they go away from hydraulic, I'll tell you what. I'm going to do something. I'm going to start using magnets, but we don't want to use them.

So we're not letting any Pete. We're not letting any more ships be built with the ridiculous-- billions of dollars more they spent on electric catapults and they're not good. They're not nearly as good. Too complex. And by the way, we had to call the ship in twice because the catapults didn't work. And I predicted that was true.

And the same thing with the magnetic elevators. We want them to be made hydraulic, which it can be hit by. Lightening, it can be hit by anything. When a little water touches the magnets, it doesn't work anymore. You're in the Atlantic Ocean with waves at a 60-feet high and the Pacific Ocean with waves at a 70-feet high. And they're talking about magnets. It makes you want to get sick.

I actually called in the architect of the ship. And I said, have you designed a ship before? Well, I haven't spent a lot of time on that, sir. I don't know. Even the cab. You know, the tower, the habit in the back, instead of in the middle. It's supposed to be in the middle where you have more room. I said, why do you move there? Well, we thought it was very good. Why did you do it? And why is the ammunition under the-- where the Admiral is, the tower?

They have the tower, and they have the ammunition under the tower. I say, if I'm the enemy, I know where I'm aiming. These people, and the thing goes like $20 billion is ridiculous, sir. So we're changing all of that right, Peter. You'll be fired so fast, have you done that?

No, but a lot of this is common-sense stuff, really. I mean, I hope I'm not born anybody, but it's all common-sense. This isn't exactly part of my speech, but I got to tell you. You know, I'm getting it all out now, and all the anger I have when I hear about electric catapults that don't work. Crazy.”

[LizBee @csilgal]

@shairnn 18

[WTFGOP @doggintrump]

Holy Fuck this puts things into perspective. This won't stand. More accidents on the road. Farmers not having enough light. Kids going to school in the dark.

Besides this being fucking stupid, I don't understand something. Why do they want to keep Daylight Savings Time and not Standard Time?

[Introvert Problems @IntrovertProbss]

If I was accidentally weird to you once just know I will be thinking about it every night for the next 20 years

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Stephen, don't you ever fucking tell Me what to do.

[Aaron Rupar @atrupar]

"It's just unbelievable to see people out here!" -- Trump's fair continues to be an embarrassment, with live shot after live shot showing fewer attendees on the National Mall than a random roadside carnival

Here's a supercut from today:

[LizBee @csilgal]

@itsm_hope 8

[Pete Buttigieg @PeteButtigieg]

This week someone targeted my family for harm with a false report. We’re physically OK, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t harmed. I am beyond furious.

Whatever your politics, this is awful, wrong, and can never become normal. https://t.co/72wxaVLzVT

[LizBee @csilgal]

@S_U_Network Strictly Ballroom 💃🕺

[Bill Kristol @BillKristol]

So the ballroom is a fiasco, the reflecting pool is a fiasco, the Iran war is a fiasco—the Trump administration is a fiasco.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

[LizBee @csilgal]

@SusieWiles47 😂😂

[LizBee @csilgal]

@AnnieCostabile In the Silver Legacy sportsbook, Reno, with Hubie 🙂

[Garage Beer @drinkgaragebeer]

RT for a chance to win a Lil Garage 🥶 (beer not included) (21+ to enter) (I’ll put a sticker in the box too)

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@JaulaDePerreo The collective belief that we are irreparably divided. We are not. We are all prisoners of the algorithms that manipulate us into believing we are. Break the algorithm- get out and meet your neighbors. They’re just like you.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Things most Americans agree on:

Groceries cost too much.

Tariffs suck and make no sense.

Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.

The debt is a mess.

The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.

Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.

Americans are exhausted.

AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.

Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.

Canadians are super fucking cool.

Mexicans are chill.

Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.

Good neighbors are a blessing.

Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.

We all question, are we alone in the universe?

We all fuck up along the way.

Epstein didn’t hang himself.

The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.

The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!

Things we’re told to fight about:

Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.

That’s the joke.