ctrl.alt.dillon

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

Thanks @Apple for reminding me of some early moments of @RossChastain’s car and I together. Here’s to many more!
@TeamTrackhouse @NASCAR

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

Possibly the most on-the-nose car salesman name ever: @FirstTexasHonda

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

@ChefAnthonyDC We’d still be hearing it because they’d still be talking about how COOL it was.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

Just straight up #karatechop’d a house fly.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

I absolutely love it when a dude’s got his smartphone mounted in a holster on his waist like he’s a gunslinger.

Dude’s got every phone number in existence on speed dial.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

Why is @tomhanks staunchly anti-psilocybin therapy?

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

Angels & Airwaves was better than everything the other two guys did combined. Including Blink-182.
https://t.co/CGD1KLT5vQ @AVABandOfficial

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

What’s the deal with the bath tub?
It’s just a huge sink,
#BabySeinfeld

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

I want to read the newspaper to look cool to at the coffee shop,

The problem is there’s no @goodreads type app that I can use to track the news I read to also look cool online.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

I embarrassed the families... *New Clip!*
https://t.co/dch09yhfuO via @YouTube

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

Brad Pitt movies are cool because you know it’s either going to be Brad Pitt or Southern Angry Brad Pitt.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

France: We have built you a statue
US: Wow thank you! I wonder where we’ll put it, maybe in the White House
France: It is 300 ft tall
US: What

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

@DonHuffines Stop fucking texting me. When prompted, I’ve responded STOP to cancel on every single one of them. Yet you still annoy the living shit out of me every day.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

“With love, ZA”

[philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_]

Ye, fka Kanye West, takes out a full-page in the Wall Street Journal to apologize to the Black community, and for antisemitism:

“I lost touch with reality”

[Nate @thenatewolf]

Advertising really works. Like when you’re at the grocery store trying to decide what cheese to buy, and then you remember Wayne Gretzky told you to gamble on sports on your phone.

[Jeff Gordon @JeffGordonWeb]

Devastating news. I had such tremendous respect for Greg as a driver, and we shared countless tough battles on the track. Like so many others, I was inspired by his tireless relief work during Hurricane Helene. My heart goes out to the Biffle family and everyone hurting.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

Nick Cage as Madden should be great. Can’t wait to hear his vocal impression. With the blonde hair, he looks like he could play a great biopic Gene Wilder.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

The NFL wants YOU to think this is a touchdown

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

.@NFL would love to see a pro-bowl style vote each post-season for the worst ref. whoever wins is banned for life from officiating.

[ctrl.alt.dillon @ctrl_alt_dillon]

“I don’t understand how I can still be as happy to see you as the first day we ever met.”
~
Things I’ve said to my girlfriend that I initially thought about my dog.