spaceman spiff

all views are my own

[spaceman spiff @cuail206]

To summarise what is happening in Malaysia right now.
#Malaysia2020

[Iqbal Cilisos @Iqtodabal]

Pengemis kanak2 buat hal, ramai yg ugut nak culik organ dan bakar hidup2.

Najib sekeluarga jahanamkan negara, takda pulak yg ugut pape.

[ArtButMakeItSports @ArtButSports]

Napoleon, by Emanuel Bachrach-Barée, early 20th century

[🍨 @chatshirelore]

🩵

[Soompi @soompi]

BREAKING: #IU And #LeeJongSuk Confirm Breakup
https://t.co/MbMWo2jYVs

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Reyero @reyeroe]

el verdadero cambio generacional

[Dom Griffin @AllNewDom]

Skipping a socialite event full of rich people to focus on doing Batman shit? That’s my Bruce Wayne.

[Belgian Red Devils @BelRedDevils]

Overturn this. 🧏‍♂️ #USABEL

[Anish Moonka @anishmoonka]

Most male lions never live to see their tenth birthday. The ones who win a pride usually keep it for two to four years. Then a younger, bigger group of males shows up and pushes them out. And a lion who loses his land rarely dies quietly. He starves, or the rivals who replaced him kill him, or hyenas run him down.

Scarface held his ground in Kenya's Maasai Mara for close to a decade. When he died in June 2021, it was of old age, at around 14, lying in the grass.

He didn't do it alone. For a male lion, survival comes down to numbers, and Scarface had three brothers: Morani, Sikio, and Hunter. People called them the Four Musketeers. In 2012 the four of them took over the Marsh Pride, the lions the BBC had made famous years before. Four males hunting and fighting together is close to unbeatable. It let them hold a wide stretch of land along the Mara River and hold off the younger males who kept trying to take it.

The scar came from that life. He tore up his right eye in a fight over territory, and it never fully healed. It split open more than once, and vets had to treat it so it wouldn't get infected. That torn-up face made him one of the most photographed lions on earth. Guides could pick him out from across the plain.

You've probably seen the stats that get posted with his photos: 400 hyenas killed, 130 rival lions beaten, never once defeated. None of it is on record. The people who tracked him for years say those numbers are made up. He was a hard fighter, but the giant kill counts are just a story.

By the end, the brotherhood was gone. Two of his brothers had died, and the group that kept them all safe had fallen apart. Scarface spent his last months mostly alone, thin, limping on old wounds, slowly losing the ground he'd held for years.

Then he walked. In his final days he covered more than 15 miles, heading back toward the corner of the Mara where he was born. Photographers watched three young males come near him at the end. They didn't attack. They let the old lion lie down. He died there, quiet and undisturbed, in the place he started.

A wild male lion dying peacefully of old age is one of the rarest ways to go in the wild. Almost none of them get it. Scarface did.

[mishi @hunterch4fer]

I'm sorry parrot in a raincoat I must continue scrolling but just know you've changed my life for the better

[cole @c_0L_e]

Maybe the best tweet I’ve ever seen

[Tiger @tigertwting]

DELETE THIS OR GET DELETED

[ArtButMakeItSports @ArtButSports]

Upwards, by Wassily Kandinsky, 1929, (rotated, detail), 📸 by Lars Baron

[spaceman spiff @cuail206]

Obsession so scary i almost pulled my hammy

[Kobi @UTDKobi]

Might genuinely be the greatest goal ever in the World Cup https://t.co/mFgKsrfPM7

[Troll Football @TrollFootball]

We are so proud of you Cabo Verde

[Eric Italiano @ericitaIiano]

one of my favorite subplots of the World Cup has been Zlatan letting his arrogance shtick slip and showing incredible emotional intelligence and empathy

[Corduroy! (COMMS OPEN) 🇵🇸 @TheCardinalArts]

One stuffing his face in the back
Another yapping about some shit nobody gives a damn about
The last two trying to out-aura farm the other

Well well well if it isn't Mikey, Donnie, Leo and Raph.

[Out of Context Football Manager @nocontextfm1]

Casemiro: “Japan are brutal. I wouldn’t wish playing against them on my worst enemy”

Ancelotti: