author of this fic i hope your pillow is cold on both sides, your charger works at every angle, your wifi never lags, your coffee is always the perfect temperature, your socks never have holes, every streetlight turns green for you, and your phone battery never dies
"did you just protect me from your uncle?"
"...he's unpredictable!"
"so... you got scared!"
"god, you're impossible..."
"I've lost my mind, I got really scared"
"...well, if I died you would be free from the divorce, would it have been so bad?"
"terrible."