Cullen & Augustus

Cullen & Augustus Wilson (pronounced “Whilson”). Always up for foxing. If it’s not First Class, it’s No Class. Sir...this is a parody account.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin Sir, which of the much celebrated audio segments is more despised by Young Leroy?

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

Tis disappointing to be vanquished through a dozen consecutive occurrences. The imminent transaction deadline will accordingly be unfortunate.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

Tis with heartfelt pleasure and gratitude to declare that Young Tobin never wanted him.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

Twould be a shame if a team traded for a player suspected of nefarious actions without a proper investigation and risk the transaction being negated.

[Shams Charania @ShamsCharania]

Developing: The Los Angeles Clippers-Toronto Raptors trade centered on Kawhi Leonard will not be complete until the NBA investigation into the Clippers is over. Statement from the Clippers to ESPN:

For the past 10 months, our organization has fully cooperated with an NBA investigation, participating in dozens of interviews, providing tens of thousands of documents, and facilitating access to our staff. While the process has been challenging, we have remained committed to transparency.

On June 30, we reached an agreement in principle to trade Kawhi Leonard to the Toronto Raptors. We have since been informed that the trade can only be finalized if the Raptors' ownership group assumes the risk of penalties related to Kawhi’s contract that could theoretically result from the ongoing investigation.  The investigation is ongoing, and we expect the trade to be finalized following its conclusion.

At the heart of this investigation are Joe Sanberg and Aspiration. We did not funnel money to Kawhi Leonard through Aspiration. Like many sophisticated investors, financial institutions, and business partners, we were victims of a fraud initiated by Sanberg, who has been convicted and sentenced to 14 years in prison.  

We recognize the uncertainty this has created and the impact it has had on our team, our fans, the Raptors organization, their fans, and the players whose futures remain affected while this process continues.

We remain confident that, when the facts are evaluated fairly and thoroughly, the NBA will confirm exactly what we have said from the beginning: We have not done what we are accused of doing.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin If I'm Honest...it will always be Gogi's number.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin Toronto took Goran from us as well.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin Never wanted Ja?

[Etienne Catalan @EtienneCatalan]

Ryan Conwell will wear No. 7 for the #Heat. Number last worn by Kel'el Ware in 2026. #NBA

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

But did we get Thanasis? 🤔

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

Twould be a tragedy of Shakespearean level to permit a strategy this ill-conceived to persist and resonate in the hearts and minds of the leadership on Biscayne. To bear witness to the repetition of futility once again demands this polished and erudite response:

Fuck. That.

[Barry Jackson @flasportsbuzz]

@ChefTrillie That is the plan barring change of heart if no Giannis

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin Twould be a travesty should the unibrowed fellow known as a "sartorial thoroughfare" be found in the employee of your Miami Heat.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin Wouldst still be awaiting thee aforementioned transaction for the Freak from Greece. Coach Riley shan’t be idle. Twould be a calamity to permit another to facilitate this action.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

Aaron Rodgers farewell tour approaching

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

Young Tobin, known hater of children, has deprived the lads and lasses of a long awaited audio segment, Thou Shalt Be A Win/Thou Shalt Be A Loss with his shenanigans. Accordingly, it is necessary to convey the most grievous penalty on him: we wish zero success for thee. Shame!

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@1043wqam @Brendan_Tobin @justjfig @brittneyrodr07 In lieu of celebratory desserts for Young Leroy, the enigma that has yet to be refuted is whether the day has been properly acknowledged in the newsletter circulation.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

Yea verily, the Dolphins are projected to be so gruesome so as to not warrant an appearance on Thursday Night Football, where subpar games are the norm.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

The Draft Lottery tis a sham created by miscreant David Stern to enable the Knicks a frozen tainted victory. Shameful.

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin Twould be that circumstance for the annual commencement of the superlative audio segment: Thou Shalt Be A Win/Thou Shalt Be A Loss. Often accompanied by an appearance from the amiable poltergeist, Spirit Leroy.

[NFL @NFL]

The NFL schedule is coming. 👀

📺: NFL Schedule Release - Thursday, May 14 at 8pm ET on @nflnetwork

[Cullen & Augustus @cullen_augustus]

@Brendan_Tobin