cumsquatch, PhD.

is this thing on

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

do you like it?

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

bitches be complaining about seed oils, as if they've even tried my seed

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

you're living paycheck to paycheck? try Vyvanse to Vyvanse

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

getting fucked up on virgin martinis (puking up the jar of olive brine I drank)

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

@Quaalude_Gary that's paid for by the prison wallet

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

going stag to the purity ball

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

@Quaalude_Gary I'm only here because my insurance stopped covering Vyvanse and now the brain worms are back

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

drink in my hand, sand in my clam 🏖️

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

I'm giving up calories for lent

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

drawing dicks on sacred geometry

[matt @mattybtweets69]

They serve real owl meat at hooters they just use the boob thing as a distraction

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

I wear a drawstring backpack on every date I go on and it has just one chapstick in it

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

the V shape pointing from a fit man's hips to his groin is called his cum gutters

[cumweiser @cumweiser]

bro fell asleep first at the sleepover let's sew his belly button closed with a peanut m&m inside

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

my poop hurts

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

COFFEE ENEMA VS. ONE HUNDRED JUMPING JACKS CHALLENGE (IMPOSSIBLE!)

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

the most respectful thing you can say to a couple that's lost their infant to SIDs is "your baby may be dead but he won The Game"

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

every time I find myself feeling down I'm like damn at least I'm not a stuck up balding bitch with no friends and a sports gambling problem

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

I love having a boyfriend that says things like "remind me to sing you my cheesecake song later"

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

heavy is the quarter that pounds the cheese

[cumsquatch, PhD. @cum_squatch]

stop bullying me I was born in a wet cardboard box all alone