cunty mcdrunky

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

@Jorgeous_1 it’s not raining men, it’s muggy. you’re my winner, baby! 👑

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

when talking about my car’s voice commands, i used the example, “hey siri, suck my balls” and then remembered a priest is seated across the room.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

i was searching through my notes app and found a dick pic from 2016 titled “mbs.”
1. who is mbs?
2. i cherished this dick pic so much i saved it in a notes app?
3. why don’t i recognize this penis?

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

i miss meeting humans and surprising them with my dirty mouth. i love the surprised and delighted “oh!” face they make.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

@TayAndersonCO usually it’s the WAP that takes a beating.

[Ben Roy a.k.a. Billy Shoemaker @benroy00]

Adam & Eve Sex Store is now selling silicon recreations of Steve Kornacki's right index finger. #KornackiFacts

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

@hitRECordJoe less words, less rope

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

I hate this pandemic, if I wanted to waste my early 30s I would have gotten married and had kids.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

refusing to give a guy my number until he confirms he’s not a leo. three strikes you’re out!

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

new christmas tradition: infused brownies and the dog show.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

*buying presents at a kiosk in the airport*
“do you work here?”
“um... no?”
*looks down at all black
ensemble*
“ohhhh, you think i work at @MACcosmetics, huh? well, feel free to give me the discount anyway!”
*10% off*

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

intentionally showing your bra at your staff xmas party... check!

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

“she’s just a friend” the fuck boi national anthem

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

things you should do instead of seeing #astarisborn: chew on broken glass, cover rubber gloves in sandpaper and then fingerbang yourself, rewatch walk the line (because it’s a biopic that DOESN’T suck). you’re welcome.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

“that’s gotta be 10 different breeds of dog!”
i’ve heard of slut shaming, but never mutt shaming! don’t talk to me or my son ever again.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

give me raw cookie dough [and/]or give me death.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

never make an executive decision when you’re pmsing.

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

key lime la croix! finally we cross paths! you tasty son of a bitch!

[cunty mcdrunky @cuntymcdrunky]

i’m the wreck-it ralph of relationships.

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

Since the Universe has no center, you can’t be it.