🧁♡

dv/rf- ish ♀-a father fucking deadbeat mom, leave me alone

[nazzo @nazzobetweeting]

europe needs to grow the fuck up. grow. the. fuck. up. extreme heat is DANGEROUS and can be FATAL. enough fucking grandstanding against americans because you have a fucking inferiority complex. GET AC AND SAVE YOUR CITIZENS’ LIVES.

[manic nixon dream girl @kennixonette]

its awesome how diary of a wimpy kid completely revolutionised children's literature. like when that book came out it was kids reading that never read before

[bum @BattleRapBum]

call that a terabyte

[Rockefeller @passtherocke]

Just met a girl whose dad owns an air conditioning business

[TRAFON(s Backup Account) @RiseFallNickBck]

Two legends!

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Senegal has defeated Iraq at the World Cup.

5-0

[S.🎧 @1ssve]

Amazon Prime is easily the worst streaming service. It's basically, "Thanks for subscribing! Now here's a bunch of movies you still have to pay extra to watch

[LaT🗡 @LaT_CQL]

Open the schools!

The average age for menopause is 51. You’d be *21* by the time your mom reached menopause if she had you at 30. Well past puberty.

ARE Y’ALL OKAY?!?!?

[Pub @PubWanghaf]

Bro that fat skank lost her job over nothing 😭😭😭

[KJGD SAINT🎟️ @dondadaew]

Blood of Jesus

[duck @ExtremeBlitz__]

is it normal to have inside jokes with yourself that you laugh at subconsciously or is that schizophrenia

[𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ @muheediva01]

Airports should have a post office so that you can mail things home instead of throwing them away

[Thehairbraider @realhillsister]

I don't like retarded shit like this.

[Matthew @OswaldsTopGuy]

Of course the kid's brown

[ky @kysi4n]

mum’s fb memory today

[chrißy @chribdotnet]

i gave that woman sixteen years of my life and she had twins with my granddaddy

[PmAmTraveller @pmamtraveller]

"How do You Eat PEZ?" by Tyler Davis (The Tyler Wolf.)

[Melech. @MelechThomas]

How do I nominate a tweet for a Pulitzer