Jay

[Southern Accents @AccentsSouthern]

Your drinks should Wear Their Heritage too, you know.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@UltraMamaTee Faggiest damn thing I’ve heard all day and the queers love Dolly.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@braxton_mccoy Read them again with my daughter when she was about 10. We talk about the lessons in those books all the time. Boromir’s story is a favorite of ours.

[Bandy @bandy1803]

https://t.co/gNxl2Xp57m

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@haizleeey Yea, you’re gonna have that sometimes. This too shall pass.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@yonann There is a 17 year old wrestler with 6 BJJ classes under his belt in every gym that would fuck this guy up.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@X9_redux Just rotate it.

[The Fat Electrician @Fat_Electrician]

The Real Patriot - Francis "The Swamp Fox" Marion
https://t.co/1hrTC9njAS

[James Fishback @j_fishback]

@ByronDonalds This race comes down to one question: do we want a carpetbagger named Byron who moved here from New York to sell pristine farmland to build massive data centers.

You are the New York Nightmare.

[Clay Martin ⚔️ @wayofftheres]

And his books are great

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@southernstonerd Now you rig him up as bait and that’s how you catch the bigguns.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

I’ll take it one further, “kid if there’s gonna be a fight either way, you gotta protect yourself and sometimes that means starting the party”. It may not be the first step of de-escalation but a pre-emptive strike is the right call sometimes . There are other girls in my daughter’s class that outweigh her by 50lbs. BJJ helps but it’s not fucking magic.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@wayofftheres Earl Plumley, he got the MOH.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@wayofftheres What’s the name of that long tabber that stepped out of the truck responding to hajj inside the wire and then smoked a squad of taliban with his side arm? Pretty sure it was Afghanistan. Fucked up part was, I don’t think he got hit but every dude in the truck behind him did.

[Cultivated Laser @CultLaser]

https://t.co/Kn6KmItIq9

[Voödoo 6 von Inyanga @6Voodoo]

Netherlands, liberated by America
Denmark, liberated by America
Norway, liberated by America
France, liberated by America
Morocco, liberated by America
China, conquered by America
Japan, conquered by America
Russia, regime changed by America
England, fief of America…

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

Why is it ‘cancelled’ in the U.K. but ‘canceled’ in the U.S.?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

[Jay @curiousdumbass]

@com_oceania He took away our belt feds. No jelly beans for him.