𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌

ᴡᴇ'ʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴀꜰꜰʟɪᴄᴛᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʜᴇɪɴᴏᴜꜱ ᴄᴜʀꜱᴇ;
ᴍᴇᴛᴀᴄᴏɢɴɪᴛɪᴏɴ, ɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴡᴏʀꜱᴇ?

[𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 @cursed_monk]

Me:

👁️👁️

Spider roommate:

👁️👁️👁️👁️
👁️👁️👁️👁️

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

No one will shake my hand anymore because I made a few jokes about handing ticks to people in the same way you might discreetly tip someone

[𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 @cursed_monk]

🚕 beep beep

[New town every hour (ret.) @TownsUsa]

Federal government writing treaties in the 1880s:

[𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 @cursed_monk]

@wifesmoocher @DigitalPastaFan @PuckFupett69 No I also received novel truths

[jos @josiahhughes]

sorry i'm still luxuriating in the delicious premise in your first sentence. i'll get to the rest in a sec.

[𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 @cursed_monk]

If you pull your car up blocking the crosswalk when the lights red I should be allowed to key your car while crossing the street

[roxy demento @falseroxy]

it is disrespectful to other people. that's why they say that. some things in life are very hard to do and habits are very hard to change but you gotta try real hard to change them if you're hurting the people in your life !

[Ed Zitron @edzitron]

I’m always saying this

[eBay mugs & glasses @dangmugs]

wasted babies ⚠️

[𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 @cursed_monk]

@mondoheather Saw the last 15 minutes of this on tv at the dining hall in college and I've been wanting to see the rest ever aince

[caroline :) @soonrightaway]

choose your fighter

[FreaksDon’tCry @TokyoDilf]

The Bear: The Game - No Rush Mode

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

An artist should never take feedback.

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

Americans love cars because they combine their two favorite things: sitting down and killing people

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

This is why I stopped going to AA. The stories are so boring. And they’re all the same.

[ً @NotJosephGarcia]

I highly doubt anybody has ever gotten “sucked off” or “eaten out.”

[𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 @cursed_monk]

@inherentvibes Roasted red peppers, eggplant, garlic, and oil in like a thick sauce. I fully believe this will be ascendant within the zeitgeist within the next 3 years and if you get into it now you can say you were into the new sauce before it went mainstream