Vhagar didn't incinerate Laena because the bond failed, she did it because she was explicitly ordered to. Dying from an agonizing, fatal childbirth complication, Laena used her final moments to dictate her own end.
Vhagar actively resisted at first, whining and shaking her head because their psychic connection made her fight the order. She only unleashed the fire when she realized it was her riderโs absolute, unwavering wish to die a dragon rider's death.
Hot take: Constantly making a neurodivergent woman question her reality, intentions, or worth because her brain works differently is abuse not conflict.
Fun fact! Science shows autistic brains don't habituate to sensory input, which means we literally can never, ever "learn to like it" or "learn to tolerate it" or "learn to drown it out" or "get over it"