Chris Vandersall

These are the thoughts I’m not afraid to tweet.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

If https://t.co/HMObnoUlnc ever dies, I hope his ghost goes by will.i.was

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

He’s starting a new social network called “Shreads”

[Bleacher Report @BleacherReport]

Zuck in the lab with Stylebender and Volkanovski 🔥

(via @stylebender)

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

@VikkiRossWrites @streeteasy This was such a fun campaign. I wish I did it but it was done by some other fine folks at Preacher.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

@aishamadeit @VikkiRossWrites @streeteasy No way! Well I guess I’ve officially written for a TV show. That’s how that works, right?

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

My wife just compared me to the husband in the 90s Sears air conditioning commercial and I didn’t know I was failing at spouse-ing so hard.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

@arthurstewartjr 🤘

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

Trying to crowdsource the meaning of my dreams. Here’s the thing in 75% of my dreams I’m wearing @Heelysworldwide

Last night had 2

1) was wearing Heelys shredding at my office

2) woke up because I was dreaming of Heelys. Then heely-ed away only to realize I was dreaming again

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

@mzrosenthal @aishaannhakim Sometimes I surprise myself with how disappointing my tweets are.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

the middle finger except palm facing outward

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

brb thinking of lyrics for a band called LinkedIn Park.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

Can’t wait for the Zack Snyder cut of the #HarryandMeghanonOprah interview to come out.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

A carrot is a really shitty “carrot” to dangle in front of someone.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

Y’all I have a confession to make. I actually write for Conan and test the material out on my Twitter before tweeting for him. Based on the one like I got I knew this tweet would be a success for him.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Ted Cruz really is the "Ted Cruz" of senators.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

I know this is harsh but Ted Cruz is the Ted Cruz of politicians.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

The only bummer about sleeping is that I’m never awake to enjoy it.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

Is Jon short for John?

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

Note: calling your significant other “infant” is not the same as calling them “baby”

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

Suzie killed Hopper

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

A manhole cover isn't at all what it sounds like.

[Chris Vandersall @cvandersall]

Whatever you do, don’t give in to Rob Thomas’s demands. If you give him your heart and make it real, it will kill you. And he will have won.