Valerie

[Valerie @cvn77]

Tornado warnings outside. Good thing I got drunk enough to fight a tornado or else we'd be screwed. http://t.co/8yk1gfu4P3

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/TB5AfqtS2M The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was inventing single-ply toilet paper.

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/Zbxn6wtR3X I'm gonna make this girl mine..... Right click, Save As....

[Valerie @cvn77]

A trip to Wal-Mart is all the proof I need that ugly isn't an effective means of birth control. http://t.co/91e1mehDCG

[Valerie @cvn77]

Any crime sounds better if you add the word "silly" to it: "silly murder," "silly rape," etc. http://t.co/WQaxzuH8gR

[Valerie @cvn77]

Hey, thanks for making sure "Nazi" is capitalized, iPhone. Way to honor them. http://t.co/MyXAiU7Jja

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/DlQdzm7oQE Liked the 3 day weekend? Try not having a job, it's a 365 day weekend.

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/vOy6mhtU0I I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[Valerie @cvn77]

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/uEJiM7UQgj

[Valerie @cvn77]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/EHqDqMdSwd

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/cLyLXRAW1E I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/MDdAbmk0Ad Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt?

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/cccih6KoaT "It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/gHN4Lp12T7 How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence?

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/Ys8ZL6sZmJ Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

[Valerie @cvn77]

I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/INBzjRXZbL

[Valerie @cvn77]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/DMOZiC4u8p

[Valerie @cvn77]

Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity. http://t.co/6QF7BeTakQ

[Valerie @cvn77]

http://t.co/YmltX3ND "Your majesty, we've searched far for him." "Did you search wide?" "No." "Yeah, you better do that."

[Valerie @cvn77]

When I go to my Profile Page I am so happy it says "That's You!" because I get confused easily. http://t.co/kgpJfkmT