(kevin dur-can’t)

[Jake 🕊️ @moviefan67]

Doin bag all by myself, he’s choosin Bushwick I can tell

[Slangtongue 🏴‍☠️(Soup Leftist) @Slangalangutang]

Remember. Closer and closer until it’s your phone taking the video.

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

On the Amtrak again. Nobody wants to sit next to me because my sock is inside out. The train is a brutal place, one faux pas and you’re out, you’re done for. The gallows awaits me. Not the worst way to go. They used to crucify people like me, Amtrak

[Qaat Williams @KhoDysseus]

I loved FPS games as a kid but seeing this as an adult makes me fucking sick. This is legit insane.

[GK🇳🇵 @registric]

Lost 9 relatives in this flash flood, mind's totally numb to this. How do I even process this??

[100 @yh_me2]

it was a pleasure miscommunicating with you

[(kevin dur-can’t) @D0NEW3LL]

misspelling michael as ‘micheal’ is up there with murder as an unforgivable offense. not to boost any michaels’ confidence or anything. it’s just not that hard a word to spell for people to be messing it up as often as they do

[t @selflessforyouu]

Abt to see fyne shi w 9$ in my bank account #prioritiesfuckedup #dgaf

[**** @tiredofdiri]

Tiktok destroyed nyc

[َ @4NGELWING]

i’m pregnant with laughter and you’re the father bro

[Grime Square @grime_square]

Myrtle-Wyckoff CVS regularly has an hourlong line of Floridians waiting for their SSRIs

[steven knicks @knees_calhoun]

spending the afternoon in Gowanus brooklyn makes u feel like Barack Obama is still president

[Kayla @luv2read13]

in the dived bar. straight up “drinking it” and by “it”, haha, well. let’s justr say. BEER

[alexa @alexamazov]

you’ll be in the worst financial position of your life then run out of shampoo

[vince @fathermencken]

all im ever thinking about is when my next opportunity to eat salmon will be

[(kevin dur-can’t) @D0NEW3LL]

pink pony club and mr brightside are two songs that tell me its time to leave the party or bar when they come on. it invokes the same urgency as when i'm in a backyard getting eaten alive by too many mosquitoes. i just have to get out of there

[sydney 🏳️‍⚧️ @interkosmos_dog]

lol this idiot in front of me has his wiper blade speed way to high compared to what the rain situation calls for. how embarrassing . this will leave a lasting impression on me

[(kevin dur-can’t) @D0NEW3LL]

paying the ebike premium and putting my life on the line speeding downtown so i can pay the bar drinks premium with friends and put my liver on the line with efficiency

[James @JamesPhl96]

A 65° morning will heal you