Anna Faris

i've always been too wild for this life anyways

[Chris Orzechowski @chrisorzy]

I love when restaurants put “market price” next to certain menu items. Like yeah, I’ve been monitoring scallop futures all week.

[Barry @BarryOnHere]

I wonder what the girls from 2 Girls 1 Cup are doing. Are they even still alive? Do they have husbands who are unaware of their past? So many questions.

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

Remember when Wal-Mart sold fresh seafood?

[One Bad Dude @OneBadDude_]

If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone mistake World War II for World War 11………………….

I would have 1 dollar.

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

Every Gatorade commercial is an athlete. I just want 1 hungover person. That’s all I ask.

[greg @greg16676935420]

Why are people so excited about the Artemis II launch today? Katy Perry literally went to the moon like 2 years ago

[danlet @evildanevil]

Check engine light randomly shut off after a year. i can only assume it sorted itself out

[SweetMarie @Oceanbreeze473]

Using my truck to heat my house, follow me for more lifehacks tips and tricks.

[Chuck Bass @ChuckFBass]

Nobody is illegally drunk driving on stolen land, officer.

[Anna Faris @d_bayybee]

@ashley_tm @BellaBaddie__ Literally lol

[Wendi Medeiros @WendiLooHoo3]

Girls be like “I needed this” and it’s just watching the Bears lose.

[cynomel muncher @cynomel]

“Do you care if I put the crackers and the juice in the same bag?”

Lady, I don’t care about anything at all

[Aetius @AetiusRF]

GET OFF YOUR PHONES WHEN YOU DRIVE

Nearly got into an accident because someone had their face buried in their phone. Asshole made me spill my beer.

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

brother… what have they done to you

[Eric Cross @EricCrossMLB]

This is going to make stealing the Declaration of Independence much harder for him.

[Nyatsimba Mutotesi @timiretimzzy2]

I run every day for 30 minutes, if I miss a day I add 30 minutes to the next day.
This has truly been a game changer, tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

[Molly @FSUmollz]

This is what a hangover feels like after 25 years old

[𝓑ᥫ᭡ @quesadaaa_]

"I'll just stop and get gas in the morning"
Me in the morning realizing I have to get gas:

[Dan Sostek @dan_sostek]

Harrisburg’s @KevinHBrown07 announces his commitment to West Virginia in the only way you possibly can:

Burning a couch.