I'm just tired of feeling inferior siguro and feeling insecured to the stuff I want to do. I want to connect not only with the people I constantly surround me but to some who I also see in my classes. I just felt tired feeling the things I've been feeling nong 1st sem Ng 2nd year
Kasi honestly ren sa iniisip ko parati 'may mas magaling pa sa akin kaya ok na ton gawa ko' at may times na kahit alam ko di nila skill yan pa den naiisip ko.
I tried to play it cool and show people how good it is but it can't remove the feeling of the 'shit panget ata toh kaya ganyan reaction' or Yung tinatawag nila inferiority sa iba.
Art is something that should relieve me and make me feel comfortable to be me in a way kaya nga passion k is performing and visual arts compared to last year and today school year, I feel people judge me more as I struggle to pass my academic year and as they see my style of art
Conscience ko di matatahimik and my guilt just keeps adding up as I procrastinate more. And omg it's not good anymore. I tried fighting it but every time, I scrape my ideas thinking 'ah this is bs, magiging mababa aq pag ganto gawin ko' or 'shit Wala Ako maisip na reason nito'.
Siguro nga dahil sa pagod ko na toh nong first year but ig it's different since grabe na pressure na feel k sa mga relatives ko and sa parent k. Legit it made me gain weight at nagrandom breakdown na ako Minsan.
Which by the way the most bullshit excuse I've ever made for myself and once more naglose focus Ako sa studies ko and focused more sa org which is btw wrong ren.
I love to animate and video edit dati talaga but for some reason I've loss something na sobrang excited Akong Gawin.
Slight pagod rant lang Ako,
Sobrang burnt out ko na ata Kasi may 1 month binigay sa Amin teachers namin for animations and shit and yet Wala pa ako nagagawa all because I lost inspiration.
Bumabagsak na ako sa isang minor subject and yet im deluding myself thinking I can do this.
Im tired from constantly escaping the reality that I will never even be someone who's in the spotlight like the others.
Inshort : I give up.
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Yah know at this point...
May natutunan ren nman ako sa marketing...
1. Never good at it so y pursue it diba
2. Pag deadline, deadline na tlga
3. Wag maniwala sa SB Deadline ksi mamaya maya scam
All of you may disagree pero, wla na ren ksi tayo magagawa so iaccept defeat nlng tyo