Dad Bits

Dad w/4 kids. Bits of humor related to parenting. Older than profile pic. Younger than I feel.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Part of marriage is asking another person if they have “any thoughts on dinner?” every day for the rest of your life.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Can we make “I’m more tired than Trump at a cabinet meeting” a standard phrase?

Because we all know what that means.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

You think you hate homework as a kid? Become a kid’s parent.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

@hell_line0 @MsLisaM Sorry, men can be so dumb. She looks smart and strong, and like a hero to boys and girls everywhere. And nobody needs hair ties in zero gravity. Duh.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Whoever chose the new Alexa voice doesn’t have a teenage daughter. I keep expecting it to ask for 20 bucks and to borrow the car.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

I didn’t know a word, but understood. #BadBunny

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Everyone in the northeast shutting their garage like they live on Hoth tonight.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

I wrote something. Go Bills. https://t.co/7upe1bk5XO

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

It’s the week when we get to blame our standard exhaustion on the clocks changing.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

❤️ to L.A., but rooting for Canada 🇨🇦 tonight.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Should we give AI a few beers and see if that inhibits its ambitions and buys us some time?

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Reflecting on backyard football games in the 80s/90s, the “Statue of Liberty” play was not nearly as genius or tricky as we thought. IYKYK.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

I sure hope the rapture isn’t tomorrow, as I’ve got tickets for Sunday’s Bills game.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

The FDA just announced a Cinnamon recall. Luckily, I bought the Cinnamon in my pantry 10 years ago. Phew!

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

When pigs can fly, I will definitely be ordering pig wings.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

I really don’t care how many triangles are in that image. Really don’t.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Unless you are a world-class cyclist, the polka dot jersey is not flattering. Just saying.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Jurassic Park movies are like watching Three’s Company. At some point you’re like, Oh Jack, don’t do that.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Looks like Tour de France Unchained used AI to match dubbing to mouth movement and it is awful.

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Me: “Alexa, play me songs by that new band The Killers.”

Alexa: “The Killers were formed in 2001.”

Me: “I knew that.”

Alexa: “That’s not new.”

Me: “Just play the Killers, please.”

[Dad Bits @DadBits]

Apparently, “Only Three Shopping Days ‘Till Father’s Day!” is not a thing people say.