Daddy Fat Sock

the thoughts of a middle-aged dad about life

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

i appreciate that we could easily just crop out the top of re-tweet-meme-story but everyone’s like nah…give credit where credit is due

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

when do we all realize we’re paying Starbucks $6 for coffee-flavored milk with sugar with fancy milk on top

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

with all this talk about mental health these days i’m surprised we’re not taking more about squirrel mental health.

these f*kers be runnin into the street straight suicidal

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

new life goal: love my kids as much as donda loved kanye

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

all this technology and TV’s still don’t have a “kids are asleep” volume mode where dialogue is loud and gun shots are silent

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

when you go to take your temperature and then confuse yourself with what temp you’re even supposed to be bc you start thinking of radio station id’s and conclude that you probably don’t have a fever at 97.9…the beat

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

why does every nfl kicker look like a turkey sandwich

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

my kids might really be onto something here calling hand sanitizer “hanitizer” instead

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

I wish there was a cooking show where the judges were children, I would wreck that shit

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

On his death bed, Meatloaf’s family says he finally shared what he wouldn’t do for love…it was anal.

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

one of the biggest problems with having three kids is you only have two arms to cuddle and two hands to hold

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

how to make food for children:

step 1: make cold food hot
step 2: then let hot food cool until cold again

enjoy!

[Daddy Fat Sock @daddyfatsock]

So many sad things these days, but I’m not sure there’s anything sadder than an entire generation not being able to go to Walmart at 3am high af