Daddy⤏In⤏Motion

Life’s a comedy but when you’re a dad it’s a dark one. Absurd is the new normal. Not featured on @huffpost @buzzfeed @boredpanda

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

Can’t wait to see my Spotify summary. My 3yo worked really hard to push Paw Paw Boogie up the charts this year

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

@Greg_the_Brave Nooo! Totally unacceptable! Why would you even do that? :D

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

What are the most dramatic things you have done which in Toddlers World cannot be undone and cause endless havoc?

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

@thecurmudgeonly Meanwhile my toddler…

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

@RodLacroix No mayo?

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

I touched the WRONG crayon

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

10 hrs flight with a bored 2yo who gets fever on the first night so you need to cancel a non refundable boat trip. What else could go wrong?

Diarrhea:

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

A toddler uses 5 stickers per minute on average. 10 hours flight with 3000 stickers is a breeze!

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

Human self-preservation instinct is extraordinary. Infants naturally behave like cute and sweet creatures around strangers to trick them into having their own babies.

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

A toddler needs 1 day to make any item look 10 years older. Who wants to buy my cool vintage table from early 1800s?

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

I really enjoyed that 5 seconds of silence after she said “I’ll shut up and not interrupt you while you’re driving”

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

me: i have so much to do after work

also me:

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

@RodLacroix Just think it’s Celsius and you’re gonna be fine

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

@MumOfTw0 Oh dear lord of candy! 15 minutes of uninterrupted watching of anything sounds like gold to me

[krista @kristabellerina]

My teen says there’s nothing I can do to embarrass her and that sounds like a challenge to me.

[Mumnipotent Ruler @MumOfTw0]

My husband and I just spent 15 minutes watching the intro waiting for our movie to start. Turns out we were watching the credits of a movie we’d already seen. And if that doesn’t describe the tiredness of parenting, I don’t know what does.

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

My wife is going on a business trip. Who’s gonna help me find the things that are just in front of me now?

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

#DadIAm I have a separate drawer full of batteries 🔋

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

#DadIAm Of course I have stickers on my face

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

@TeamYouTube 😂

[Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion]

Hey @YouTube, how to turn off the touch-and-hold shortcut? I can't stand Cocomelon at 2x speed anymore 😭

...and voices in my head go round and round, round and round... all freaking time!