DadJoke

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

What did the dog say to the two trees? Bark bark.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

What is the best way to carve?
Whittle by whittle.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

“Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places” Doctor “Well don’t go to those places.”

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

Where do young cows eat lunch? In the calf-ateria.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

When Dad drops a pea off of his plate ‘oh dear I’ve pee’d on the table!

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

My friend said to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "no it doesn't"

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

At the boxing match, the dad got into the popcorn line and the line for hot dogs, but he wanted to stay out of the punchline.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints!

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident? To the I.C.U.

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!

[DadJoke @dadjoke123]

I used to work for an origami company but they folded.