DadJokeTexts

Dad Joke Text Messages. We'll send you one amazing Dad Joke via text message, each morning. Sign up for 1 Month of hilarious free daily text messages!

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What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.

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Where do young cows eat lunch? In the calf-ateria.

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What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

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A girl once asked me what my heart desired, apparently blood, oxygen and neural messages were all wrong answers

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Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? It's two-tired.

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I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.

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My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.

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Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

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Never Trust Someone With Graph Paper...

They're always plotting something.

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Dad, can you put my shoes on? I don't think they'll fit me.

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Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Dunno, they're just a bit shady.

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How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian

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What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!

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The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

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Why was the broom late for the meeting? He overswept.

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The biggest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

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Velcro… What a rip-off.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs.

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[DadJokeTexts @dadjoketexts]

Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted.

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