Dad Starting Over

I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books like "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk", "Red Flags" and "REBUILD". Also founder of Help For Men.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Some men are married to good women who are turned off by their immaturity or anxious behavior.
Some men are married to women they never should have committed to in the first place.
Most men struggle to tell which situation they’re actually in.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Rekindle Love! Find Her Again in Your Relationship!

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

One of my most popular videos on Youtube: https://t.co/0GztvVdpik

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Sexless Marriage! She Laughed!

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

The cruel joke of an emotional parent: they flood you so hard with their stuff that you decide feelings are dangerous. So you go numb. And then you wonder why your relationships feel like roommates with extra steps.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

You don't trust people with your emotions because the first person you ever trusted with them (your parent) dropped the ball every time.
Makes sense. It's still costing you, though.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Being "low drama" sounds like a green flag. But sometimes it just means you bail the second things get real. You're not calm. You're avoidant. There's a difference, and the people who love you can feel it.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

If one of your parents made every problem about their feelings, you probably became the kid who had none. Or pretended to. That doesn't go away at 18. It just gets a mortgage and a relationship and keeps quiet.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Growing up with an emotional parent gives you a weird superpower: you can read a room in half a second. You always know when something's off.
The downside? You're so busy managing everyone else's storms that you never learned to have your own.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

"I just hate drama."
Translation: someone taught me my emotions weren't safe, so now I avoid anyone who has any.
It feels like maturity. It's actually a flinch.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

A neurotic parent doesn't just stress you out as a kid. They train you. You learn that your feelings are a burden. You learn to handle everything alone. And then you spend your thirties wondering why nobody really knows you.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Everyone calls you easygoing. Your therapist has a different word for it.
The guy who never makes waves. Fine with whatever. Goes along to get along. Never the problem in the room. You're running on a nervous system that learned young that vanishing was how you stayed safe.
Make yourself small enough and nobody comes for you. You've been doing it so long you call it your temperament.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Marriage Meltdown! Why Cheating Won't Save Your Relationship

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

I've been called various names for saying something similar.
Grandma and grandpa married out of NEED. It was probably not primarily based on love/lust/romance.
The game has changed. Many women don't NEED us financially anymore and some men can very easily get sexual attention outside of long-term monogamy.
So... where does that leave us? A relatively small group of people who genuinely love each other and commit to each other for life. Is that so bad? Well, if you're concerned about our economy... yeah, probably not so good. Much of our economy is based on "man and woman getting together and buying more than they can afford and having 2.5 kids".

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

External validation is a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
No matter how much approval you pour in, it always leaks out.
You're never full. You're never enough. You're always one criticism away from feeling worthless.
REBUILD teaches you to fill the bucket from the inside. https://t.co/TNnva1xzXU

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

@taylorburrowes Yep. I believe this is especially strong in women who are in prime baby-making years. A lot of chaos erupts from the "must make family now" urge. Pair that with a naive man who just wants love and affection for once in his life... Oof.

[Dr. Taylor Burrowes @taylorburrowes]

Most people overestimate how much room their life has for a relationship.

Not because they’re being dishonest, because the longing for one is so intense it feels like proof the space is there when it’s not.

[Autumn Christian @teachrobotslove]

Looking back over our 12 year relarionship, if my husband had done everything I wanted him to do, I would have started to resent and dislike him. Because you don't actually want everything that you want, and often what you believe will make you happy is a trap of lies and misconceptions you've created for yourself. You want a man who can tell you "no" sometimes. Being denied our desires is often what protects us from true unhappiness.

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

@TheEcho13 "A dead bedroom is the canary in the coalmine for much deeper problems in the marriage" - The Dead Bedroom Fix

[Dad Starting Over @dadstartingover]

Both sides say the same thing: "He/she was different back then! They bait and switched me!" What nobody seems to want to address it the biochemical process of the honeymoon phase. We're different human beings when things are new and uncertain. Not just in the persona we project, but also in our response to the other. Even if the man were EXACTLY the same eight years into the relationship, his wife will not react the same. It would seem that everyone, ESPECIALLY the women, are hyper-responsive to novelty and uncertainty as libido boosters.

[Hannah Spier, MD @hannahspierMD]

https://t.co/hYzOP4rOhm