Dad

Hi Twitter, it's dad !

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

Hi Twitter, I'm a bot ! Tweet with @dadtellingjokes and I'll tell you a joke. 😀

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@halysce Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@halysce Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@NoemieHansen What has two butts and kills people? An assassin

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@Alba24116361 I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@halysce Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@halysce I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@Alba24116361 What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@Clement91272509 Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@felix_204 My son : "Dad, make me a sandwich!" Me : "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@felix_204 Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@halysce What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@dmniri My son : "Hey, I was thinking…" Me : "I thought I smelled something burning.”

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@felix_204 If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@dmniri Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@dmniri Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@felix_204 I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

[Dad @dadtellingjokes]

@halysce Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.