Mail Style

House style tips from the Daily Mail. Your prose not angry or xenophobic enough? We can help! THIS IS A PARODY ACCOUNT. NOT THE REAL DAILY MAIL.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

RIGHTS: Things which our readers cling to so tightly that they're loathe to grant those rights to anyone who doesn't have them already.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

WOMAN: Too vague. Prefer eg. “shapely debutante” (~ under 16), “shrill harpy” (~ who speaks before being spoken to), “spinster” (lesbian ~).

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

MOS EISLEY: A wretched hive of scum, villainy, immigrant families demanding handouts, and menacing teenagers with no respect for authority.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

BIAS: When a broadcaster or newspaper broadcasts or prints things which may challenge the pre-existing opinions or beliefs of its audience.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

Note: Our paper provides challenging reporting on the issues of the day. The Guardian prints leftie propaganda. The BBC is biased.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

WORLD WAR II: Correct dates are 1969-1975. Bear in mind that most of our readers either fought in the war themselves or have clear memories of losing loved ones.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

SYRIAN REFUGEES:
Current numbers, by country:
Germany: 350
Turkey: 625
Lebanon: 250
Sweden: 450
Scotland: 3
England: 650,000 and rising

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

SYRIA-TURKEY BORDER: About 1000km from Europe. However, big numbers confuse our readers so prefer “just one step away from Europe”.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

Does this entry need revising for 2016? https://t.co/yuiTPRuZqN

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

TRUMP, DONALD: Truth be told, we're not quite sure what angle to take on him. Maybe he's some kind of American version of John McCririck?

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

WOMAN: Too vague. Prefer eg. “shapely debutante” (~ under 16), “shrill harpy” (~ who speaks before being spoken to), “spinster” (lesbian ~).

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

BANGING ON ABOUT - Syn. for “mentioning” when applied to non-members of the Conservative Party, non-white people, non-men, etc.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

RHETORICAL QUESTIONS: Fine in heads. The only case where editorial policy permits violation of Betteridge’s Law. #whowillspeakforbritain

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

LITTLE ENGLANDER: NEVER acceptable due to confusion with TV series “Little Britain”. Sub “Proud Briton”.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

One last tweet - a rambling, semicoherent blog post explaining why this account was created, and why it had to die: http://t.co/ZRFuos5KFr

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

OOC: Parody accounts get old quickly, and I’d rather stop while I still have ideas and before I actually turn into the Mail. Cheers! - @mpk

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

So we’re going to quit while we’re ahead. Apparently there’s a place in Florida for rent next to Littlejohn’s pad. So long, broken Britain.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

Also - the barmy EU parody account directive is forcing many British accounts out of business in favour of cheap imports from Romania.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

The Guide has been pretty quiet recently, you’ll have noticed. It seems we’ve said more or less all we can say, so that’s it - we’re done.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

RELIGION: Wearing a cross in public is a basic right. A headscarf is FURY AS EUROPEAN HUMAN RIGHTS JUDGES FORCE RELIGION DOWN OUR THROATS.

[Mail Style @dailymailstyle]

OFFENSIVENESS: Our readers: are right to find some things offensive. Everyone else: is just overreacting and making a fuss about nothing.