Is this too bodychecky for Instagram? I donโt think I look that sick but Im also aware that it could be body dysmorphia
(Iโm really trying to keep my ED a secret but I still like posting selfies)
#edtwt
Iโm graduating university which is great and all, but I regret so much. I regret the paths Iโve chosen that lead me to where I am now and I donโt think I have the time or money to make a u-turn. All I can do is move on and grow. Iโll learn new things and gain new passions
I keep saying that Iโm not going to stop letting opinions of other people affect me yet here I am, breaking my no-purge healing streak because of my dadโs comment on my eating habits (I finally let myself eat the candy that I like for the first time in two months) Iโm so tired
I didnโt even intend to b/p during that meal too. I was eating my favourite pasta (VERY SPICY TOO) in a controlled way and everything was genuinely perfectly fine and my mind was in a healthy place. Terrible awful so annoying.
Iโve been working towards losing weight in a better way by eating thrice a day (and only picking healthy food with a focus on protein) and being more active. Ugh this disorder is so dumb, my throat hurts, my face is puffy, and Iโm not even losing weight
Im not at my UGW yet, but my parents have begun to notice my wl but donโt suspect an ed yet. Itโs weird how validating it feels to be fussed over ngl. Anyways my dad gave me a piggy back ride and even did squats to express his concern over my weight. It felt so whimsical
I genuinely donโt know if it was maybe hormones that kept me from gaining when I was binging on my pasta, or if the recipe is just that good. It seems high calorie but like idek anymore. Maybe Iโll drop the recipe one day
(TW: Mia) idk how but I binged 3kg worth of food and water, and purged about 2.3kg. The back of my throat is painfully scratched up because my nails are damaged/thin (which equals SHARP). This is a new low.
I thought I was in a stable spot cuz I binged a lot on homemade pasta for the past week and gained NOTHING from it. But once my pasta ran out and I kept those eating habits with other food, Iโm gaining again. But I refuse to ever get back to my SW (58kg)
My mom bought a bunch of really cute and yummy snacks/treats for my brother and I, and i feel like this damn disorder is making me let her down. A cute little bee-shaped cream bun should bring me joy not guilt, and I didnโt even eat it, Iโm literally just THINKING about it
#vent
I want to talk about my ED with someone irl/close to me so badly. My friends would be there for me if I needed, but I donโt want to put them in harms way. Iโm alr the skinniest one in the group so it would probably upset them
#vent#edtwt
I havenโt stopped binging and going over my calorie limit. My weight has been going up and I feel like Iโm too undisciplined to get back into restricting. However, Iโm gonna try limiting myself to healthy food to try and regain some control and bring my weight back down๐ญ๐ค
Sometimes Iโm just minding my own business when my brain reminds me that I lowkey am an easily hateable coworker/employee/intern. my whimsy is too strong and I keep doing things MY way which is efficient/effective but it goes against their aesthetics/structure or wtv ๐๐๐