Dallas Johnson

Minny ✌🏽

[Cats Against Humanity™ @CatsVsHumanity]

How to tell you're an adult:

• you gain 30lbs overnight

• you'd rather sleep than go out

• everything hurts

• comfort comes before style

• you have a favorite spatula

• everything feels like a chore

• college students look like 12yr olds

• you're always annoyed af

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

Lolol @ the fact my ex finds it cool to send me pictures of his girlfriend when he’s drunk as if it’s going to bother me 😂😂 boy byeeeee 👋🏽

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

worst feeling — laying on your side and looking at your phone in the middle of the night and feeling your eye water and having mascara run into the fucker 🙃👀

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

I swear I could watch the movie Grind on repeat and not get sick of it #SuperDuperSkates

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

Monday’s at the office are hard

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

you ever meet someone who is just the human form of crumbs in the bed

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

@BarcusBorg This breaks my heart. She’s lucky to have you as her momma. ♥️

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

Risk it to get the biscuit

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

Worst thing about Cheeto-Puffs is getting to the bottom of the bag

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

thank god for coffee 😴

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

WTF RIVERDALE 😩🤬

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

Monday — not moving from my couch today 🤙🏽🤷🏻‍♀️

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

@Tiffnutter He’s his momma in a little body 😂

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

Never trust a person who puts toothpaste on a dry toothbrush

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

When you over hear a convo & one person says “there’s cupcakes in my office if you want one” umm .. where’s your office & how do I get one? 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

This weather is killing me, I just want to wear my fucking sandals 🤬🤬🤬

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

Why aren’t naps at work a thing? 😴

[Dallas Johnson @dallkymberlee]

You deserve someone who is going to treat you like you matter everyday, not just when it’s convenient for them 👑