Dame Scott Worm 🐛

Nominee for Best Performance in a Bath

[Dame Scott Worm 🐛 @DameScottWard]

I love bread.

Thanks for coming to my bread talk.

[Lazgar Lockman; artificer, blacksmith, goofball @Lazgar_lockman]

@Variety

[Timuoxi Cha Le Mei @ch1cken_t3nder]

I do believe my favorite Americanism is saying “and I was like” instead of “I said”

[Dame Scott Worm 🐛 @DameScottWard]

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

the four stages of a day off:

1. ​i will do so much stuff.
2. ​later i'll do lots of stuff.
3. ​eventually, i'll do some stuff.
4. ​oh no.

[onion person @CantEverDie]

it’s absolutely not the most important thing at all but i’m obsessed with th algae in the reflecting white house pool. every afternoon i check for algae updates. i can’t get enough algae updates

[Scantyer 🇦🇱 @scantierrr]

The number 1 thing pisses me off today is how every company realized they can still technically operate at the bare minimum if they run a skeleton crew for everything. So now every service sucks, both for the workers and the customers, and we can't do anything.

[Jenn🌲 @JuniperFolly]

i'm of the opinion that as a woman, your man should be a little bit afraid of you, just enough to never disrespect you

[Dame Scott Worm 🐛 @DameScottWard]

Let me count it.

[Pubity @pubity]

Elon Musk is officially the first trillionaire in human history.

[˖ Ritz 𓂀 ݁˖ @ridhima_z]

The reason margaritas taste so good is because they are a spiritually safe drink

They have a salt circle that wards off evil

[Carrie Wittmer 👻 @carriesnotscary]

if real new yorkers were on subway takes it would be like “bring back the announcements about taking off your backpack on the train”

[Owain @orhunt]

dude could wear the hell out of a hat

[mads @madison_face]

@gfisworse

[Dame Scott Worm 🐛 @DameScottWard]

@markgadala ...but what is it?

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I know it’s become pretty cliche and cringey to talk about at this point but if you’re under like 25 I cannot stress enough how one time Obama wore a tan suit and people spent a week arguing over whether or not it was demeaning to the Oval Office and they were serious about it.

[Wholesome Side of 𝕏 @itsme_urstruly]

I’m like the opposite of AI. It took me over half an hour to write a simple email, and I didn’t consume a single drop of water all day.

[Dame Scott Worm 🐛 @DameScottWard]

@unusual_whales Sounds like a good incentive to bring inflation down.

[Dame Scott Worm 🐛 @DameScottWard]

Siri, play Dawn's Song of Fears from Girls5Eva

[Mira Gonzalez @miragonz]

the five primal fears:
1. prion disease
2. being on a cruise ship
3. man walking towards you
4. toxic shock from forgotten tampon
5. spider egg sac containing thousands of baby spiders

[Freyy @Freyy_is]

the funniest part of replacing receptionists with AI will be realizing nobody actually documented half the things jessica the front desk person just magically handled every day.

[Lena @chancevisitors]

[offering nothing of value] new york needs me