damian

hi thanks for checking in

[damian @damiansomething]

what the fuck is this guy on about?

tylenol does NOT cause autism.

guns however have a proven track record of causing school shootings.

lack of healthcare has a proven record to causing people to die.

[damian @damiansomething]

That promised that man a ride on Air Force One, I just know it.

[New York Magazine @NYMag]

Nelly is reportedly joining a list of actual famous people performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration. https://t.co/fq22jwZ7Kk

[damian @damiansomething]

@Son_of_Ol come on in brother.

[Aaron @jaradcliff]

Two people who won a race one time and spent the next decade of their lives crashing and burning every single week

[damian @damiansomething]

republicans freaking out about this guy at approximately 10pm tn

[damian @damiansomething]

gifting someone six geese a laying this year just to see what the fuck happens.

[Cartoons Hate Her! @CartoonsHateHer]

You’re laughing. They’re doing transgender operations on illegal aliens who are in prison and you’re laughing.

[Greg Price @greg_price11]

Biden: "Tomorrow, I'm doing 9/11" 😂

[damian @damiansomething]

skipping valentine’s day again this year to save up energy to finally catch the easter bunny in march 😤

[damian @damiansomething]

any women’s meme account : “forget cutting your hair, drink wine and ruin a man”

some weird fucking psychopath in the comments : “you literally mean nothing to us i hope your haircut accidentally turns into a sweeney todd cut. die.”

brother what.

[damian @damiansomething]

only going to hotels from now on. never have i been leaving an air bnb and had a 74 year old lady look at me and say “honey you need to get something to eat before you leave”

[damian @damiansomething]

if i shouldn’t be microdosing then why do they make those little 50ml bottles so accessible

[damian @damiansomething]

thinking about the time i went to the optometrist because i was having a hard time reading signs at night and he said “yeah everybody does. it’s dark outside.”

funniest doctor of all time.

[damian @damiansomething]

call a pizza chain and order something under a fake name and phone number. those people aren’t getting paid enough to be there and they are hungry.

[damian @damiansomething]

“what’s in your mouth”

my dog:

[damian @damiansomething]

gonna try to start running. will update you all when i give up. shouldn’t be too long.

[damian @damiansomething]

@chapseachelsman that sums it up perfectly lmao

[damian @damiansomething]

i’m sick of fiber one bars man. tasty as hell then i eat three and there goes the rest of my afternoon.

[damian @damiansomething]

brother the captain is still there, no you haven’t

[Culture Crave 🍿 @CultureCrave]

James Cameron has visited the wreckage of the Titanic 33 times

"I actually calculated that I've spent more time on the ship than the captain did"