damnitkong

Never judge a fart joke by its genre.
Pronouns: Few/Nobody/Those

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

I would officially come out as trans-age 82, but nothing would be different.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

[Did You Know?]

There are over 37 Duffer brothers.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

[Finance] You, too, can retire late!
"I began a PhD right after college, became a professor in the humanities, and ate at the Whole Foods salad bar all the time. I also still have cable, which isn't easy. But now I'm in position to retire at 87."

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Maybe we can flip the narrative? Here are three tries:
1. "The babies will take all our jobs."
2. "Abortion isn't behind these deaths; it's mental illness."
3. "Ectopic pregnancy just ain't natural."

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Balki Bartokomous is all "Cousin Larry! The basketball field with all of the sour cream and tomatoes added has prepared to play side 2 of the competition pitting those who paddle in water against those who walk in it!"

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

I think that dancing baby from 1996 bought the house next to me.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Apparently my best friend is You might like

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Aeon Flux bought Twizzlers?

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Real estate is to Zillow as Willie Wonka is to the persona he takes on during his factory tour.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Actual world: Wanna grab some coffee?
We're all going for a beer--you in?

Dream world: Wanna grab some milkshakes?
We're all going for a milkshake--you in?

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

If I were an NFL wide receiver and someone asked me what I did for a living, I'd say "receptionist."

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Every time I think I have a good idea, I Google and it's already on reddit or something. This time it was Rapunzel, but for pubes. Little Mermaid, but for pubes, maybe? I guess that makes no sense...Oh, yes it does! She wants pubes and trades her voice for them. There, I did it.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Don't be like me: don't scream out the answer to today's wordle on the bus.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

I always start a Wordle with farts.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

I'm such a clever fellow, or in other words: cactus maple overdrive belfry dripping codify entrench Doritos snuggle.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

That game Kurt Wödel is impossible to complete.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Okay, so I don't usually do these big preachy threads, but here goes. In 1999, I opened the first location of my line of sheepskin-centric thrift stores, Wool Me Once Shame on Ewe. Well, shortly thereafter...(1/14)

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Until penis cardigans, I'd never really had a billion dollar idea.

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

If you miss Lorraine down in Africa that much, just go visit. Or maybe ask her to move up here? Have you at least talked to her about it?

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

This morning I read 'BOOK FAIR' as 'PORK PAIN'. Thoughts?

[damnitkong @damnitkong]

Which holiday character lasts longest?

The ghost of Christmas yet to come