Jake

JCP platinum cardholder

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

“Proud and insolent youth, prepare to meet thy doom.”
“Dark and sinister man, have at thee!”*

*Me to me when I’m drunk and my inner-child tells me longboard down a sketchy hill.

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Half time show had mad Naboo parade celebration vibes

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Is this the first time a player has ever had two turnovers on the same play?

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

I can’t Imagine the ego after the biggest pop star of all time gets her fans to pay for a song about how much she likes your own personal weiner

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Nothing in my life has validated my choice of friends as much as seeing them become top tier parents.

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

The poors aka group C should only have access to middle seats

[Kaleb @cowboyKal3b]

Just remembered I have an actual degree specifically in monkeys and am uniquely qualified to address the 100 men vs 1 gorilla discourse

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Do we really need flight attendants?

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

10 separate adults loaded children, toddlers, on this flight to Vegas. That city ain’t for them

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Remember when Harry Potter rationalized murdering a cat.

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

The Bills are named after Buffalo Bill Cody, who received the Medal of Honor for killing Indians. The Chiefs took that personally.

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Not a single person shotgunning beers… this inauguration is mid. I thought America was great again

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

It’s absolute lunacy that pillows are regulated by the government.

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Sales guy at the dispensary called me sir. Bro I’m here to buy drugs.

[Capt. Andrew Luck @CaptAndrewLuck]

Dearest mother —
The battleground has called for my glorious return. I’m thrilled to say, I shall heed that call.

I have reenlisted.

While my sidearm is permanently holstered — I shall help train other young men to be great soldiers. Please send care packages of squirrel oil and skunk cakes to our basecamp at Stanford. I love you.
— Andrew

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

This time it was Hy-Vee and bay leaves

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

My problem with grocery stores is if they’re ever out of stock common item I have a tendency to disavow them.

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

Atlanta is not worth the airport

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

“She lets me drive her car so I can score an eighth from the lesbians out west in Venice” is one of the all time best song lyrics

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

@blink182

[Jake @dancinggrizzly]

When Neville called the banners, Dumbledore’s Army rolled in within minutes. All he said was “Harry’s here. We fightin” and the whole block was ready.