Dan Wintermantel

I thirst.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Quick! Turn on CBS Sunday Morning-Harvey Weinstein is pretending to be Ivana Trump.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Quick! Turn on CBS Sunday Morning-Harvey Weinstein is pretending to be Ivana Trump.

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

dance like nobody's horrified

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

She Micked my Mullvaney while I Sebastioned her Gorka, and we both turned out alt right.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

The emporer has no clue. At least, thank god, he has clothes.

[Trudacious @Trudacious]

Cheap toilet paper is better than no toilet paper at all.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Diane Sawyer to Caitlyn Jenner:
"Sooooo... how's it hangin'?"

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Life saving Tropical Resort advice-don't wear a Depend to the swim-up bar.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Great news for Catholics! On Lenten Fridays you can eat all the Subway Chicken you want.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Nordstrom's overrun with National Guard troops urging shoppers, at gunpoint, to buy Ivanka's Chinese stripper heels for their pre-teens.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

"Please Mr. President, I have a headache. Please, don't win so much. This is getting terrible."

In his own word salad
#trumpwheezer

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Yay TRUMP! 10,000 new WalMart jobs! How can we be part of your astounding success-should we start crowdsourcing money for their food stamps?

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Donald Trump and Mariah Carey have demonstrated, bravely and beyond doubt, that microphone/earpiece malfunctions can make your ass look fat.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Donald Trump: "I alone can protect America from the Fear I am mongering."

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

The only way I'm staying up until midnight is if they drop Ryan Seacrest from that building.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

DonaldTrump is the super absorbent tampon of perceived slights.

[Dan Wintermantel @DanDoofus]

Hey, you losers! Who wants to come over and discuss the fate of the free world in my Blanket Fort?