Dandy LaRue

Dandy LaRue is the most handsome ice-hockey player in Upper Canada (1887-1922). Pulled from frozen lake & thawed in 2010. RIP Mary Pickford #Parody

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

This Phil Kessel fellow thinks he owns the Iron Man streak? I didn't miss a game for 34 seasons until I was suspended 2 games for poking the eye of King Clancy with my moustache. That foozler deserved it & smelled like rubber boots. cc: @GoldenKnights #NHL #HockeyHumor

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@Spacing "Have I finally emerged from the shadow of my father?"

Side note, I taught John Tory Sr. how to skate using silver spoons & bison rope tied to his feet.

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@annebourne @Spacing Why hath you, fair lass, anthropomorphized a printed publication? Hath it offended your sensitive ears, eyes, & ankles? You must share the experience of being frozen in a lake such as I for 96 years only to emerge & find the soothing insights of @Spacing. https://t.co/7IJ1FuMslu

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@TheHockeyNews My boys, the Petawawa Wawas.

https://t.co/NT3Rh4Nahk

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

Just opened a box in the attic and found my 1897 jersey for the Petawawa Wawas. I love the logo.

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@MatthewBlackett @TSNquizmaster I assume that my waxed shin-pads & moustache protector must be featured, no? If not, the ghosts of my Christie Pits Mushrooms teammates will haunt the authors!

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@simmonssteve Good sir, I'm 5'8", considered the most handsome rover in Upper Canada, my moustache has its own fan club, and I have 17 more Stanley Cups than you. @kyledubas passed on signing me due to my bonus structure demands (opium is illegal now?).

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

While I shan't dispute the excellent fashion choices of @pastrnak96 & @am34 — and that their virtues give a commanding power to every mortal — but my moustache is in a bit of a pickle that my pregame attire hasn't attracted the same attention. @SaraCivian, what say you? #NHL

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@StanFischler Stan, you lil' rascal — you look dapper! Do you remember the time I tried to teach you how to ride a bike (they were called penny-farthings at the time) and you cracked Hump Watson's ankle?

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

Hark ye youthful gentlemen & gentlewomen!
Check out thy latest "collab" between @drewhouse x @dandylarue... new third jersey for the Petawawa Wawas, Iron Lung League champs 1899.
#adidasHockey #adizero #NHL @adidashockey

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@JamesCybulski He shan't be inducted before myself, good sir. My 35 seasons, 17 Stanley Cups (4 in one season, mind you!) 13 Rouge Cups & 4 seasons in the Iron Lung League are much more noteworthy.

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

The sled is packed with cases of canned beans & my skates & I've picked the dogs to lead my journey. Which #NHL team needs a right-shooting rover with gumption the size of a beaver dam? A jar of ether is my lone signing bonus request. MUSH!
#NHLTradeDeadline cc: @kyledubas

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@tacosandcerveza @HockeyBroph If you care to join myself & Madame Laurier in a séance, at your choosing of course, I firmly believe we can exorcise those demon convoy thoughts from your soul. I'm happy to send a carriage for you.

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@tacosandcerveza @JamesDBowie Land ashore, Davey Jones! It may be where you may find that undersized cranium we discussed earlier. Taking the side of the Kaiser and his jackboots is not becoming of you or that avatar you display.

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@tacosandcerveza @HockeyBroph Apologies, my wee cranium’d chum. I shall make myself as clear as Woodrow Wilson’s spectacles:

YOU’RE A FLAPJACK FOR SIDING WITH SELFISH, IGNORANT, & RACIST YAHOOS.

As you were.

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

@tacosandcerveza @HockeyBroph Ahoy Davey Jones! It must be tough to live with oneself knowing that you are siding with the Kaiser and his favourite honking sons! I hope a geese greases your front door every day for three weeks to see how you like it?

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

It seems that the @MapleLeafs are using my old jersey for their exhibition shenanigans. Again, I declare: put me in @kyledubas! My catalogue shin pads are greased.

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

Disappointed in this Tofolli trade to #Flames . My agent/pharmacist had previously telegraphed Brad Treliving about my willingness to play in the oil fields of Alberta but we must assume he did not visit the post office in time. #NHL

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

What has Sultan Katz put in the tea of Manager Holland? Have his Rexall potions fogged Kenneth’s memory that he still thinks it’s 1997? Will communist Fetisov soon be signed? #yeg #oilers

[Dandy LaRue @dandylarue]

Just opened a box in the attic and found my 1897 jersey for the Petawawa Wawas. I love the logo.