Enrique

98.

[Hater Central @TheHateCentral]

Whoever this is:

35 Minutes
0/3 Passes Completed
0 Shots
0 Duels Won
0 Tackles
0 Interceptions

[El Diaz @SoyDaniloDiaz]

Nunca comprenderé por qué cada paciente se tarda casi una hora con el doctor, pero cuando entro yo salgo en menos de 5 minutos.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[J. Cob @Resurgo_]

No tener trabajo se siente peor

[AstroBfr CAMPEÃO DA PL 22/45 @astrobfr]

"não se iluda, foi só 2 gols contra o sport"

eu na leste sábado:

[Gustavo Petro @petrogustavo]

Hay dos cosas que he aprendido en la vida, a no acostarme con mujer de la que no nazca nada en mi corazón, y a no comprar el sexo cuando aún soy capaz de la seducción y de la poesía. Siempre hay que combinar la sexualidad con la cultura, eso se llama erotismo. Te lo aconsejo

Ahora bien si logras que la energía tuya y del universo recorra todas las células de tu compañera, logras creo, la máxima posibilidad vital del ser humano, eso no se puede comprar. Así que no te equivoques conmigo.

[Garlic Salt🥋 @CVktor]

@JoseRaulMulino Da el día libre cueco que estoy borracho

[Tendencias en Deportes @TendenciaDepor]

"Guatemala"

Porque Panamá le rompió bien el orto por 3-2 como visitante y lo eliminó del Mundial 2026. Se habían agrandado por ganarle a la Selecta pero como siempre la pechearon y terminaron comiendo pinga panameña, alta putita los chapines.

[Auron @auronplay]

puto asco de 2020 de verdad qué desastre todo coño todo mal

[Benito Antonio @sanbenito]

no vuelvo a beber

[𝓑𝓸𝓷𝓷 @Bonnichics]

Valora a la gente que es buena, no la uses, no abuses, porque la gente que no reclama, esa que parece tener un aguante infinito, un día se harta y se va para siempre y no vuelve más.

[Invictos @InvictosSomos]

¡¡ANSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATI!! ¡¡GOL EN SU PRIMERA TITULARIDAD!!

[Auron @auronplay]

pues nada a tomar por culo la liga para el Barça, toca concentrarse en la champions.

[Summer Miry😎☀️ @MiryAyala]

Ojala mis mejores amigos sean como Camacho para siempre, aunque me meta en vergueros ellos ahí firmes!😂🤣

[˗ˏˋ anita ✎ ´ˎ˗ @anitakenobi]

Panamá ahorita dejando a martinelli como inocente, haciendo el ridículo