dan

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

Funniest joke ever is too long for Twitter, but it's about a duck that walks into a bar day after day, asking, "Got any grapes?" If someone knows it, tell someone else.

[Walmart Canada Gaming @WalmartCAGaming]

We Are Walmart Canada Gaming

[Forrest Cardamenis @FCardamenis]

Baby has gotten good at identifying “dada” but still struggling with surrealism, cubism, even baroque.

[Pressure @pressurethefilm]

Change the tide of battle before time runs out. PRESSURE: Surviving D-Day, a @Fortnite experience.

Play now in Fortnite with island code 3727-3581-4615.

https://t.co/yq3tf7N8I8

[Nintendo of America @NintendoAmerica]

Which Mii is most likely to be a public farter? 💨

Play #TomodachiLife: Living the Dream now!

[jos @josiahhughes]

@unusual_whales i'll tell you one date that cost us more. a lot more. September 11, 2001.

[monkey spit @monkeyspiit]

in the bathroom at planet fitness setting off the lunk alarm if you know what I mean #yep #poop

[mr_eggs 🇵🇸 @scrumble_eggs]

They already made an American version of The Odyssey and it’s called Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.

[chaotic memes @memechaotic]

Use them wisely.

[mia 🍓 @tweet32bird]

If Burger (🍔) sucked at Videogames (😢🎮): Yo bro they're GRILLING me. I'm in a Pickle... I'm actually Buns... 😢😢😢😢

[rune sword @runesword1]

explosion at the health potion factory, 0 dead, 0 injured

[Destinys Braiding Shop @dadbodsociety]

Life is a video game and im DSP

[Αριάδνη @vvvanitaas]

my body is not a temple it’s a world trade center and every day is 9/11

[EnBaron of Z-Land @BaronOfZLand]

nacht der redditoten

[Jackson Doud @JacksonDoud]

Dude behind me at lunch ordered “The usual.”

Got hit back with a “and that would be?”

Has to be absolutely devastating. Can’t even imagine.

[possibly Judy Ruliani @__judyruliani]

call me christopher moltisanti the way i’d crush this dog

[N.O.R.E @noreaga]

She in racial chat rooms showing feet!!!

[Dionne Warwick @dionnewarwick]

No. The chicken is too hot.

[Majin Jew @RedwoodRogue]

Rest in peace my granny. I will not be disclosing the cause of her death for privacy but if you wish to donate to the funeral please direct all funds to the Bazooka Attack Victims Association.

[Ross Bolen @WRBolen]

Me when my wife tells me to put my phone away at the dinner table