i’m gonna get yelled at for saying this, but a lot of women are single because they haven’t met a man who’s better at being a man than they already are.
KARL: Republicans are gonna make you the poster child for the Democratic Party
MAMDANI: Let them. We don't have to ask ourselves what life looks like if a socialist wins. I won last November, and over the course of these last 6 months, what we've delivered for working people are the very things we were told were impossible.
There is a very specific female fatigue that comes from knowing exactly what is happening, explaining exactly what is happening, being told you are overreacting, and then watching exactly what is happening happen with excellent punctuality.
Stop teaching your daughters that if a boy is mean to her it’s because he likes her.
Teach her to throat punch that little mf and tell him to back off.
Things most Americans agree on:
Groceries cost too much.
Tariffs suck and make no sense.
Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.
The debt is a mess.
The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.
Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.
Americans are exhausted.
AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.
Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.
Canadians are super fucking cool.
Mexicans are chill.
Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.
Good neighbors are a blessing.
Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.
We all question, are we alone in the universe?
We all fuck up along the way.
Epstein didn’t hang himself.
The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.
The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!
Things we’re told to fight about:
Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.
That’s the joke.
Mamdani: For too long, New Yorkers have been told ambition must give way to austerity—that government can either be fiscally responsible or invest in people. But never both. This budget proves otherwise.
The hardest psychological pill you will ever have to swallow is realizing you are a victim of the "Mirror Fallacy."
You keep getting betrayed, used, and disappointed by people, and you sit around wondering why you have such bad luck. You don't have bad luck. You have a massive projection problem.
You keep looking at other people and expecting them to have your heart, your work ethic, and your sense of loyalty. You assume that because you would never lie to them, they would never lie to you. Because you would give them your last dollar, they would do the same.
People do not operate with your moral compass. Stop projecting your own character onto people who have repeatedly shown you they operate on pure survival and selfishness. You are breaking your own heart by expecting lions to eat grass just because you are a vegetarian.
40% of teen pregnancies in 15 y/o girls involve a fathering man who is 20-29.
It is never lost on me that the conversations surrounding teen pregnancy are always about the promiscuity of teenage girls and not the violence of older men.
A German Jew just said out loud what Western governments are terrified to admit:
“Germany’s crimes 80 years ago have NOTHING to do with Palestinians.
So why are Palestinians paying the price for something they didn’t do?”
Then he drops the hammer:
**“Every morning I wake up and check how many Palestinians were killed today…
How many children lost their limbs without anesthesia…
How many hospitals were bombed.
And somehow the West still can’t agree on an immediate ceasefire?”**
And the knockout line that shatters Israel’s favorite narrative:
“I’m Jewish — and I don’t want Israel to represent me.
Criticizing Israel isn’t antisemitism.
It’s criticizing a state committing crimes.”
One voice — enough to expose the hypocrisy of an entire continent.
BREAKING: The Late Show With Stephen Colbert portrays JD Vance.
“We heard that JD Vance loves a good-natured, funny meme, so we made one just for him!”
I'm choosing to believe this is actual footage and not 'AI'