Daniel Asplund

Official Foosball champion of my old apartment. Helplessly in love with Amsterdam but she won't return my calls. Tweets are my own.

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

Har jag förstått detta rätt?

Vänsterblocket S och MP bildar regering med inflytande från V och ska bedriva borglig politik som dikteras av C och L med en budget från M och KD som stöds av SD. Din röst spelar ingen som helst roll - samma skit ändå.

#val2018 #svpol #riksdagen

[Tim @Playing_Dad]

Waiter: Do you want to take a look at some dessert?
Me:

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

#BeforeIdie : Make it socially acceptable to have popcorn for breakfast.

[Katie Notopoulos @katienotopoulos]

I came here to chew gum and raise brand awareness, and it looks like I'm all out of Trident™ Layers Wild Strawberry & Lime.

[im on the ither sight @jon_snow_420]

god: i have made Mankind
angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety

[Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams]

[grocery produce aisle]
ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?
CLERK: No, why do you ask?
CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

[derek.eth @ProdigyNelson]

Her: when you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp-
Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card
Her: *softly* holy shit

[YouTube @YouTube]

You’ll never get buttery hands at the movies again. https://t.co/5abI8hYcEz

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

That infuriating moment when one speaker in your headset has a glitch and you keep turning your head back n forth

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

No more blurry photos thanks to #GalaxyS7’s super-fast autofocus. Which one are you looking forward to? https://t.co/drhA8TWUss

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

My favorite feature of #GalaxyS7 is #WaterResistance. What's yours? #NextLevelS7 https://t.co/sAaDcJckQZ

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

This tweet has no purpose what so ever.

What? Oh c'mon! Like your tweets have a purpose and a meaning?! At least I'm #Honest

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

@elspethreeve This is absolutely brilliant. Thanks for writing it.

[Elle Reeve @elspethreeve]

my opus on tumblr teen comedy geniuses, whose empires rise and fall without adults ever noticing https://t.co/vDX9Mrwl25

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

Tab for a Cause: raise money for your favorite charity simply by surfing the web. https://t.co/ckTdJTEGQU

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

Recent poltiics (#SuperTuesday cough) made me write a few thoughts on how #Democracy is a responsibility on @Medium https://t.co/o7mP5iEg0P

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

Fine. I'll post it. Jeez. Relax.

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

#MyMotherAlwaysSaid

'Gosh Daniel, I hope you tweet about me with a trending hashtag soon'

[Daniel Asplund @DanielGAsplund]

Can we do a global vote to have #LeapDay on another month? February is like the Hawaii of months. Simply put? Crap.