Dan Burkitt

sack of flesh

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

@weretuna now there's https://t.co/3MHWGfFlH5 👀

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

boiled alien egg or scrambled alien egg?

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

@MasterChefUK please add this button to the show, we'd all be very grateful

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

@Warburtons no sesame seeds on two of my bagels, I demand justice on a bagel

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

this weekend's looking like a left handed prawn if you know what i'm saying

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

when you don't press shift properly and send ;0 instead of :)

such different energy

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

have you even bought an apple if you don't throw it between your hands like a cricket ball

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

Would love a set of these cheeky bois for this England team. Imagine the size of Maguire’s head #ItsComingHome

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

@soph_joe I’d buy those buckets x

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

what if they’re not right but they’re also not wrong

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

the step counter on iphone is an ingenuous way to make you keep your phone on you even when you're on a walk to get away from screens, bloody silicon valley lizard bastards think of everything

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

no one's better than pizza express, especially not you

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

yesterday’s tomorrow became today’s present, for now, if only we could all just BE. Together.

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

if you connect the bilateral spectrum to the most recent east-west demographics, there's plenty-five reasons to suspect that most fish belong inside this graph

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

Petition to get “Let the Shepherd see the Bush” above the exit of Shepherd’s Bush tube station

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

@rubyq @realmikefox what a fraud, he’s out the club!!!

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

Trump really did a number on the middle initial J, feel a bit ashamed of mine now

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

@rubyq @realmikefox me, michael, and homer j simpson

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

@charlesfare why not help yourself to a delicious complimentary walk?

[Dan Burkitt @danieljburkitt]

#advertisingeffectiveness experiment. I've put this sign up on my road to try and lure away the flytippers. Stay #tuned to find out if it #works